There’s nowhere
to begin other than to just dive right in. Mrs. Right and I are no more.
Yesterday officially marked the end of our relationship, although truthfully
(and by her own admission) she had checked out on our relationship long before
then. The mind boggling thing for me at this moment is why I’m okay about it.
Like, when I’ve had break ups in the past it took me some time to get over the
heartache. But I’m actually at peace and I think I know why.
Here’s the
part you all want to hear – why we broke up! When Mrs. Right and I initially
met and began our relationship I expressed to her my desires for the future
i.e. family, career, etc. Now I knew upfront what I was getting into in regards
to her – divorced, single mother, closeted professionally and somewhat in her
personal life, first long term lesbian relationship. I have never dated a
single mother before and I knew that it would require a lot of patience,
understanding, and learning to navigate additional people in our lives i.e.
ex-husband. Mrs. Right expressed the same interest and acceptance of my desires
for the future, in fact we even started planning things for what would have
been an awesome future together…that is until I quickly learned we were never
on the same page.
Slowly but
surely my Dream Girl turned herself off and away from me. Now I gave her no
reason to do so because not once did I ever pressure or demand anything of her.
In fact, I did everything that one could do to keep that relationship going
strong. She was never neglected, I was always supportive – she wanted to start
her CPA studies, I told her I’d help her study and even offered for us to build
study days into our weekends together. She wanted to go back to school for her Ph.D.
which would require her to potentially cut back her hours at work, I told her
that if this happens when we’re under the same roof then we’ll just make the
necessary financial adjustments and it’ll be fine. I want her to accomplish her
dreams. She considered teaching as an adjunct professor, I told her I’d reach
out to my academic contacts and help her find teaching positions and if she
secured one I had no problem caring for her daughter (which was our daughter)
while she did that. Everything she wanted to do or needed help with I was there
and had her back 100%. Why? Because that’s what you do when you love someone.
Over time
Mrs. Right started to verbalize her fears about our future together. She wasn’t
sure if she wanted to raise another child, she was fearful about how things
would turn out for us. I did my best to ease those fears by explaining to her
that neither of us can predict the future, we just have to go along for the
ride and keep the lines of communication open. She was okay…until she wasn’t
again. This time it was one I could not change. She told me that whenever we’re
together she gets a bad vibe, like something is not right but she can’t
completely describe the feeling. She was turned off by me and from what she has
told me it’s basically the entire relationship. I don’t know how or why because
I’ve done nothing wrong (and she even admits that part)!
And that’s
why I believe I’m doing so well with this. I put my heart and soul into this
relationship. I did something I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do – date a
single mother – and guess what I did it well. From day one I stepped up and
committed myself to her and her daughter and whatever may come from that
situation. Although it was challenging a time or two, I learned how to navigate
a new situation. I gave my all because years
from now she can never look back and say I wasn't honest, I wasn't sincere, I wasn't
true, I wasn't genuine, I wasn't supportive, I wasn't affectionate, I wasn't
dedicated.
Did I gain anything? Yes I did. I
love good kids and her daughter was a wonderful one. I love her dearly but I
learned she was a different level of love for me. How someone so small has the
power to warm my heart and always put a smile on my face is still beyond me. But I loved and cherished every second of it. She's going to be a beautiful lady someday.
Back to the drawing board…Next up, my move to NJ…
Shouting
Happy 57th Birthday to the best Mother in the world! Part of the
reason why I am the woman I am today is because of her unconditional love,
care, support. My Mother accepts me for me, no judgment, no shame, no
compromise. 
