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| When a woman's heart belongs to another, you can never have all of her #Team Liv&Fitz |
The thing that I love the most about the show (aside from Kerry Washington’s beauty) is
the love affair between Liv and Fitz. Although it is a tormentuous love affair (he’s the POTUS and married) they are a
beautiful couple, and in my eyes Soul mates. Personally, I love Black
Woman/White Man interracial relationships. I love seeing Black woman courted
and loved by White men. More and more Black women are educated and successful
in this world today. We out number Black males in Baccalaureate, Masters, Juris
Doctorate, Medical programs, and are more likely to be the sole and or largest
bread winner in the home. Black women are pretty much holding it down and those
who have a higher level of education and success want a partner who can bring
the same or more to the table. Yet truth be told, a lot of Black men cannot
deliver.
Growing up, I always heard of how Italian and Jewish men
loved Black women, how they secretly coveted Black women, and how many of them
would love to marry a Black woman but were unsure of how to approach them.
Being a Lesbian I’ve never dated men, nor have I had the desire to date men but
I still get hit on a lot by men (the
price you pay for being feminine). Majority of the men who approach me are
White men, and nine times out of ten they are successful – suit and tie, white
coat (translation M.D.), executive
titles, etc. Some have had relationships with Black women, while others are
still waiting for the opportunity to do so. White men are more inclined to
settle down and start a family as opposed to bed hopping and being hauled into
Family Court for child support issues.
If I were Straight I’d be with a White man, but I’m not. As
I have mentioned before, all of my relationships have been with White women.
Not something I particularly went looking for, just the way it has been since I
was 16. I recently tried going on dates with Black women but either we don’t
click (my personality is more “polished”
and refined than the average Black woman) or they expected one of us to
assume the Stud or Femme position which is NEVER going to happen.
So I guess I have to continue to go for what I know and in
the realm of Lesbian relationships all I know is interracial love and I have
found it numerous times with White women. I know some may question the
genuineness of interracial love, and if one could truly be happy with someone
who is of another ethnicity/culture than me. I have never felt awkward in any
of my relationships, in fact I related to my White girlfriends better than I
have ever to any Black woman I have talked to or been on date with. Quiet as it
may be kept, White Lesbians like Black Lesbians but they (like anyone with common sense) won’t date just any Black Lesbian.
They have standards like the rest of us so education, income, class,
sophistication, and a non-hood mentality are a must. White women are more
likely to not have any children or ex-husband/baby daddy drama (the same can be said for White men – less likely
to have children out of wedlock and all over town as opposed to Black men)
which is a huge deal breaker for me, and when it comes to education and success
we are always on point about what we want for our lives and where we want to
be. Now that’s not to say that there are not Black Lesbians who do not fall
into that education and success category because there are plenty…we just don’t
mesh. What are your thoughts on Interracial Love?
"Frank & Rachel"
"Len & Etta"
"Brian & Kenya"
"Tasha & Alice"
F4F Lesbian Couple
I have no problem with interracial relationships. If you have a great connection with someone, race should not matter.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do take issue with, is those individuals who choose to date outside of their race for superficial reasons based on "stereotypes." For example, I've heard black women say they would only date white men because the black men would not be able to take them to a fine restaurant.
There are successful and affluent black men out there. Sure, they may be hard to find, but to assume every brother is subpar without given them a chance is wrong. Besides, if that’s all he can afford at that time, is OutBack Steakhouse and is willing to treat you, does that really matter? Providing, of course he’s a solid guy (i.e. steady job, dependable…). The same applies for same-sex relationships.
Now me, I've dated more non-Black women, than not...White, Latina, Trinidad, Dominican (though the latter two are more ‘black’ than not). Regardless of race, I just connect better with women who are more like me, well versed and cultured. In the past that has been most ly non-Blacks. Part of that is due to surroundings. I attended diverse Colleges and Universities, so I was exposed to different cultures.
After college life, I spent too much time in the club scene so I was meeting the wrong Black women. Or rather, I was attracting women with the wrong mentality. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve changed my venues for meeting women, so I’m starting to meet more cultured “sistas.” I don’t connect well with women who have a “hood” mentality, either. I don’t judge anyone for where they came from, but my belief is, just because you were raised in the hood, does not mean you have to internalize it and perpetuate the stereotypes. And, you don’t have to have a college degree to have some “couth,” as they’d say in the old days.
I still gravitate more towards Latinas because I get to embrace my love for Latin culture and my own. Most of the black women I’ve dated, thus far, are a bit one-dimensional. It’s all about Black. And, that’s not me. I have an appreciation for ALL cultures. There’s beauty in all of them: white, Indian, Asian, Latin, you name it.
Ultimately, if I could meet a cultured Black woman who has an appreciation for all cultures, I’d be in Heaven. Of course she’d have to pass the rest of my litmus test, but that would be a great starting point. I love women. Period.
In closing, I must say that it sounds like you have been dating the wrong Black women. I don’t say that to sway you from your preference for White women, but I’d encourage you to not give up on all of them. Keep your options open. There are some good ones out there. Heck, I’m still holding out to hope, though I will not pass up a good woman, just because she is NOT Black. And you shouldn't either.
There are plenty of successful Black men out there. My cousins and aunts are married to them, and I am best friends with a few of them. I am happy to call them relative or friend or in most cases my Big Brothers. BUT they are a very small percentage of the masses.
ReplyDeleteRealistically, a successful, educated, Heterosexual Black woman has a better chance of finding her equal in a partner of a different race.
Similar statement can be made about a successful, educated, Lesbian Black woman who does not believe in nor wish to conform to gender roles - she has a better chance of finding her equal in a partner of a different race.
No two realities are the same, no two people are the same, therefore experiences just like people differ. What works for one, doesn't work for all. Live and let live. Judgement Free.
If I were to put my Psychology degree to work, I'd say I sense a bit of frustration in your reply. I'm referring to your last paragraph: "No Two realities are the same, no two people are the same, therefore experiences just like people differ. What works for one, doesn't work for all. Live and let live. Judgement Free."
ReplyDeleteTruer words could not have been spoken. However, if you feel/felt like my comments were a form of judgment then we have a bigger issue here. Hopefully, I'm just misreading the tone, and that you were making a general statement about no judgment...one of the drawbacks to online communications. No visual cues...
Anyway, to make sure there is no misunderstanding, I have NO qualms with you dating white women. If that's what you like and want, so be it. "live" :-) However, if you re-read your initial post, some of the reasons you laid out for your preference could be construed as judgment against most black lesbian women…Based on your experience, of course.
You yourself made the statement of, and I quote, 'my personality is more “polished” and refined than the average Black woman) or they expected one of us to assume the Stud or Femme position which is NEVER going to happen.' Is that not a form of judgment against your own? Or perhaps, I should revisit the meaning of judgment.
While it may be your reality to this point, I simply wanted to let you know, that if that's one of your main reasons for dating white women, then you should not give up hope on Black women, as there are some, even many, who are quite polished and do not have a desire to conform to gender-roles. That's all.
I'd have more tolerance for any individual who simply says "I prefer to only date "x" race of women/men" because those are the individuals I best connect with. Period. Leave it at that. But when individuals start tearing down others to justify their reason for their preference, I take a bit of an issue with that. Sure, you make very valid points. But I just ask that we be careful of making generalizations. Or that we not throw each other to the way-side as a whole because of our bad experiences. Keep our options open. OR NOT!!! Your choice.
Like I said, while I would prefer to be with a Black woman, if I meet an overall good woman who meets my needs, I will not avoid her simply because of her race. And, at the same time, I’m not going to sit here and say; I will only dating inter-racially because I have met a few uncultured Black Women. Again, I’m all for interracial dating, just not for superficial, shallow reasons.
In the end, my dear, I shall let you live, free and clear. Carry on. I wish you nothing but the best in your dating journey. ;-)
You have a degree in Psych - Congratufuckinglations!
ReplyDeleteMy blog is a place where I speak my truth (I can't speak for others), you don't like my opinions or my reality, then don't read or comment on it. Plain and simple.
LOL - WHOA!!! 5 quick thoughts, before I exit stage, "right"!
ReplyDelete1. I was being facetious about the psych degree reference. But, since you’re giving kudos, I'll take the "congratufuckulations" for that as well as the MBA & Technology degrees. They were the most rewarding in terms of ROI ;-) Smh...Look, Degrees are pieces of paper. Valuable only if we apply them. I would never rely on that as a means for swaying or wooing others...
A little bit of LEVITY goes a long way in life, my dear. :-)
2. Blogs are meant for discussion, last I checked. If you don't want feedback, you may want to have the comments link removed. Or, do not ask for our opinions/thoughts. Reading through your blogs, I don't see too many comments.. 1 or 2 (excluding mine)?!
So either you archived them, or, all of your followers, a) agree and have no comments (odd), b) disagree and won't speak up (more odd), or c) could care less about the topics (not good)...I'm just saying.
3. You're so focused on what I disagreed with (i.e. the rationale), that I question whether you realize my support of your preference for WHITE WOMEN AND FEMMES (yes, I read your other posts).
4. Sure, I could stop reading or responding to your blogs, going forward, as it's clear you cannot handle a little oppositional thinking. But, that could make for a boring existence ... Don't you think?! Besides, they're great coffee reads. ;)
5. I'm certain our paths will cross again. In, the meantime, good luck with your blog and Nursing school..Great career choice ...just be patient with those who don't agree with your prescribed regimen. I wouldn't want you to earn the name "Nurse Ratched" ;)
Nothing like a good exchange!!!
Hi Miss Lesbian in the City. I been folling your blog for some time now and wanted to jump in on this one. That chick who keep commenting on your blog is a troll because why she/he/they get all mad cause you wont argue with them? They contradicting themself and trying to insult you. Now they mad cause you won't fight with them. Since they want to cross your paths get the police involved because they are a psycho. Watch yourself ma. My new chick is Asian. I never thought I date outside black chicks but we happy and it different. I say do you and dont let trolling psychos put you down cause you brave enough to put yourself out there
ReplyDeleteThank You for your concern and post. As always, with any responses to my blog post, I tell you lovely ladies who respond that I can only speak my truth and from my experience however there have been times when ladies have commented and I am very curious about their POV that I ask them to educate me. Post your thinking, post your rationale, I want to know! With the exception of this individual, you all have been respectful even when you disagree with my opinion - it has always been done in a respectful manner. In fact, a fellow Blogger LezIntellect disagreed with me about my post on Interracial Dating and she was not once condesending, demeaning, or disrespectful. I follow her blog faithfully and even when I disagree with her opinions I don't disrespect her.
DeleteThere is a difference between a healthy discussion/debate and someone who just wants to beat up on someone because they don't like their opinions or views. I don't like what Toddlers in Tiaras stands for/is about but I don't go looking on YouTube for episodes or their official page just to spew negativity, hate, and condemnation. I just don't watch the show! And I sure as hell don't go seeking out information on it either.
What are some of the differences you have noticed within your new relationship? Is this your partners first interracial relationship as well?