Single & Fabulous

Aug 4, 2013

The War Within: Running vs. The Urge to Merge

At 12:01AM I shall be officially begin my Senior Year of my Nursing program. I’m excited, yet very scared. There’s no turning back at this point and failure is not an option. I am 9 months away from my dream career and the beginning of the next chapter in my life. So if my blog posts become sporadic it’s because school is kicking my ass.

So let me tell you about my woman, Mrs. Right. If someone told me to make a list of all the qualities and things your ideal lover would possess, I’d be crossing off 95% of the items when it comes to her. She’s not perfect, which is perfect because I don’t want nor need her to be. Professionally, she is everything I believe a strong, educated, woman should be. She carries herself as a lady should but she’s tough, ambitious, highly intelligent, and knows her stuff. I regularly get to see the softer, loving, affectionate side of her which I absolutely adore. I can’t begin to describe the incredible feelings that flood me when she falls asleep in my arms. A truly priceless moment that I would not pass up for anyone or anything.
I love her…but like my feelings regarding my final year of Nursing School – I’m excited, yet very scared. And thus the war within me has begun.

My friend Nikki says I’m a Runner (and she can say this because she is a self-proclaimed Runner) – “at the first sign of trouble or your mate screwing up, you’re ready to head for the hills.” I’m not exactly like that, more like my fear of things not progressing the way I’d like, or fear of pouring so much of myself into something and someone that only ends in a broken heart causes me to feel like pulling back at times.
On the other side of the war I have this insatiable desire for love and companionship. I think love is a beautiful thing; it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. Building a solid foundation for a long term relationship is part of the joy of loving your mate. As much as I am realistic and prepared for the world of Single Motherhood nothing beats raising a family with the woman you love. There are traditions regarding holidays to establish, birthday celebrations to have, and little league sports games for me to attend in my stilettos and skinny jeans. The Family Life is my ideal life.

How can it be that the one thing you want the most scares you the most? I love Mrs. Right and my goal is for this to work.
I’m just going to fight this internal war one day at a time…

 

2 comments:

  1. So Cool! I really dig this blog post especially since you did it on my bday the big 37 yes. I believe you will win that war within be brave and take it as it comes that's life love goals anything really. I am so amazed at your honesty. i love your statement about crossing 95% of the qualities a perfect lover or mate should have off of the list.

    awesome. I agree Love is a very BEAUTIFUL THING AND POWERFUL, me i got rid of my list and now am looking forward to getting to know a womyn for who she is because Love is with whom you make it. i believe this.

    lastly can you recommend where i can buy a domain name for my upcoming blog and a hosting company? i'm ready to just be out here and rep me but be amongst fellow black lesbian bloggers and lesbian bloggers in general. any help i would really appreciate. thx and Blessings to you and your Mrs. Right i hope you two make it, be sweet to each other :}
    --- Stephanie 8-5-2013 8:53pm

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    1. 95% of the things I want/need in a partner she possess them and I could not ask for a better woman. She rocks and she knows it! I don't say anything publicly that I a cannot say to her privately. She also reads my blogs and understands that they are open and honest post. Our communication with each other is also open and honest. We both get it and each other. Could not be happier.

      I have heard so much about Go Daddy that I believe they are worth trying. I have a photographer who uses them for her business website and no complaints. Let me know when things go live so I can feature it here. Also, if you're not quite ready to do a website just use Blogger and make a FB fan page for it. Both free and it helps build a fan base. Good Luck!

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