My Scandal Addiction & Tormentous Love Affair

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one cheering during Thursday’s new episode of Scandal. From Olivia demanding that Fitz “Earn Me!” to Fitz making a declaration to “Watch me earn you.” Some people don’t like the relationship between Liv and Fitz; they have argued that it is daunting, demeaning, disrespectful, etc. But I totally sympathize with them because I’ve been there.

Once upon a time when I was young and oh so naïve (still young but not so naïve anymore) I had a very tormentous love affair with a woman who was a married closeted Lesbian. Her husband knew she was a Lesbian and their marriage (still is) troubled because of it. They never had children…they have an “understanding.” Due to the public nature of her husband’s career she vowed to play the role of “The Good Wife” and remain married instead of being true to herself.

At first things were casual and fun. We’d act like perfect best friends in the public eye and even in front of her husband…then perfect lovers in the privacy of her personal condo. It was never supposed to be so complicated or serious but the inevitable happened – we started falling in love with each other. And that’s when the torment began.

The Yes Yes, No No

I want you, but on my terms

I don’t want you, and I don’t want anyone else to have you

It’s your life there, or your life with me

Wait for me, I promise to leave…just not right now

Let me go!

Keep me by your side

I love you

I hate you!

This went on for about 2 ½ years before they moved away. The telephone conversations became less and less, emails just would not suffice. I think we both got tired of holding onto something that was emotionally destroying us…at least I know I did which is why I made the decision to officially walk away. At first it was hard, she was the first woman I was ever truly in love with, but like all things time is a healer.

While I was watching this scene from Scandal it made me think of her and I, how this would have been our happy ending if she would have just let the clock run out…

 

"Time's up. It's done...unless you don't want me..."

Scandal