Single & Fabulous

May 29, 2013

Enabling Parents: F*cked Up Family Dynamics


This post is going to be highly personal, more so than ever before but I need to get this off my chest and out of my head.

Everyone knows that I am my Mother’s only child, but I also have two brothers (26 and 21) from my Father and his Wife. I rarely speak about them (with the exception of my little brother) because I’m not a big fan of the 26 year old and my Father’s Wife…and now more recently my Father.
My Father’s Wife was always verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive towards me growing up. She would call me bitches, put me down constantly, and always accuse me of doing drugs or having sex. I had self-esteem issues all the way into my early 20’s because of this. I swear she is Bipolar and has Borderline Personality Disorder traits. We’ve never been close and truth be told we never will be.

The 26 year old is the one my Father’s Wife should have been accusing of doing drugs and everything under the sun – yet never did say a word. He dropped out of High School, has warrants for his arrest in more than one state, has 5 children by 4 different women, no form of employment, drinks, uses numerous drugs, and like his mother is Bipolar with Borderline Personality Disorder.
The 21 year old is more like me. He’s got his shit together – graduated high school, went to college, and now has a very lucrative job which has enabled him to strike out on his own and purchase his first home.

Growing up with these folks was clearly no walk in the park. Here you have two children who are doing what is asked of them, they are completing their education, they’re not out selling drugs to undercover cops, not throwing tantrums and destroying your home because they can’t have their way, they’re not out there making babies and bills they can’t take care of yet not once have they had the support system they needed. Lucky for me I had my Mother, she has always been my biggest support but my 21 year old brother didn’t have anyone at home, he got his support from his teachers and some Aunts.
My (Passive) Father and his Wife have spent years and years enabling and rewarding the negative behaviors of the 26 year old. They support his kids, they support his drug habits, they allow him to constantly wreak havoc upon their home, they lie to the warrant squad when they show up at 3AM to haul his ass off to jail, they pay for his trips to Florida to visit relatives and hang out on the beach, they drive him everywhere instead of making him use public transportation (yet if he wants his drugs he will find a way to get to his dealer but tell him to find a job and he needs a ride everywhere), and make excuse after excuse for his behaviors.

So when my Father’s Wife’s birthday rolled around a few days ago and no one acknowledged it (I never remember when her birthday is, but I do know my Mother’s is December 17th), not even the 26 year old who is constantly getting bailed, until my Father proceeded to berate us for it and then has the audacity to question the resentment. You and your Wife breeded this resentment. In my opinion they don’t care about anyone other than the 26 year old and his kids. It’s been obvious for years.
Today my Father said that all of this (referring to how we don’t want to be bothered by him or his Wife) was going to come back on us. Funny thing is that this is their Karma. Treat your good kids’ right and maybe someday they’ll treat you the same…

No comments:

Post a Comment