My Scandal Addiction & Love of Interracial Relationships

When a woman's heart belongs to another, you can never have all of her
#Team Liv&Fitz

With everything going on in my life, no matter what I am glued to my television on Thursday nights at 10PM. Like most of the world I am addicted to the ABC series “Scandal”.  Those of you who are unfamiliar with the series I highly suggest you jump on it and be prepared to become a Scandal Addict. I don’t watch television but this show is the first show I have watched in a long time (I’m talking the last time I followed a show was Martin, Girlfriends, The Game until it got whack, and The L Word Series not the whack ass reality show) so for me to cut off the rest of the world just to enjoy the hour long show is a big deal.

The thing that I love the most about the show (aside from Kerry Washington’s beauty) is the love affair between Liv and Fitz. Although it is a tormentuous love affair (he’s the POTUS and married) they are a beautiful couple, and in my eyes Soul mates. Personally, I love Black Woman/White Man interracial relationships. I love seeing Black woman courted and loved by White men. More and more Black women are educated and successful in this world today. We out number Black males in Baccalaureate, Masters, Juris Doctorate, Medical programs, and are more likely to be the sole and or largest bread winner in the home. Black women are pretty much holding it down and those who have a higher level of education and success want a partner who can bring the same or more to the table. Yet truth be told, a lot of Black men cannot deliver.

Growing up, I always heard of how Italian and Jewish men loved Black women, how they secretly coveted Black women, and how many of them would love to marry a Black woman but were unsure of how to approach them. Being a Lesbian I’ve never dated men, nor have I had the desire to date men but I still get hit on a lot by men (the price you pay for being feminine). Majority of the men who approach me are White men, and nine times out of ten they are successful – suit and tie, white coat (translation M.D.), executive titles, etc. Some have had relationships with Black women, while others are still waiting for the opportunity to do so. White men are more inclined to settle down and start a family as opposed to bed hopping and being hauled into Family Court for child support issues.

If I were Straight I’d be with a White man, but I’m not. As I have mentioned before, all of my relationships have been with White women. Not something I particularly went looking for, just the way it has been since I was 16. I recently tried going on dates with Black women but either we don’t click (my personality is more “polished” and refined than the average Black woman) or they expected one of us to assume the Stud or Femme position which is NEVER going to happen.

So I guess I have to continue to go for what I know and in the realm of Lesbian relationships all I know is interracial love and I have found it numerous times with White women. I know some may question the genuineness of interracial love, and if one could truly be happy with someone who is of another ethnicity/culture than me. I have never felt awkward in any of my relationships, in fact I related to my White girlfriends better than I have ever to any Black woman I have talked to or been on date with. Quiet as it may be kept, White Lesbians like Black Lesbians but they (like anyone with common sense) won’t date just any Black Lesbian. They have standards like the rest of us so education, income, class, sophistication, and a non-hood mentality are a must. White women are more likely to not have any children or ex-husband/baby daddy drama (the same can be said for White men – less likely to have children out of wedlock and all over town as opposed to Black men) which is a huge deal breaker for me, and when it comes to education and success we are always on point about what we want for our lives and where we want to be. Now that’s not to say that there are not Black Lesbians who do not fall into that education and success category because there are plenty…we just don’t mesh.

What are your thoughts on Interracial Love?

"Frank & Rachel"

 

"Len & Etta"

 

"Brian & Kenya"

 

 

"Tasha & Alice"

 

F4F Lesbian Couple

 

 

 

Deep Thoughts Courtesy of Lianne La Havas

Happy 2013! How has the New Year been treating you thus far? I’ve been nothing but busy, busy, busy, busy! School, Personal Life (or what’s left of it) you name it my wheels are spinning.

I’ve gotten heavily back into my fitness routine and one of the classes I am happy to see back in rotation is Sexy Flexy aka Yoga. The other night we were doing our usual yoga class when this song caught my attention and just ignited thoughts, feelings, memories, and even some tears from within me. Now I’m a music junkie so when something catches my ear I automatically hold strong to the lyrics in my head so I can Google them and discover this new treasure of a song that speaks to my soul.

The song is “Lost & Found” by Lianne La Havas:

Come upstairs and I’ll show you where all my
Where my demons hide from you
Just look at who I have become I am so ashamed
You were the one that made me feel the way I do
You broke me and taught me
to truly hate myself
unfold me and teach me how to be
like somebody else

and I felt strong enough
I was discovered by the love
I had been waiting for so long
You told me none of that was real
I cannot hide how low I feel
To know that you were never wrong

You broke me and taught me
to truly hate myself
Unfold me and teach me
How to be like somebody else

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh eey yeaah
You are lost and found
Falling out my babe
Broken down
Broken down

You broke me and taught me
to truly hate myself
Unfold me and teach me
How to be like somebody else
You broke me and taught me to
Truly hate myself
Unfold me and teach me
How to be like somebody else

 

This is truly a song I believe can make anyone cry because we all have been there – broken by another and rebuilding ourselves from the ground up - some of us are still there, some of us are looking for a way out, some of us have found it.

For me this song reminds me a past relationship which did break me, it also makes me think of my broken relationship that I have with one of my parents. The power of music is truly amazing…

Goodbye 2012, Next Up 2013!

Out with the old, In with a New

As we prepare to bid farewell to 2012, I’ve been taking stock of the wonderful blessings that have been bestowed upon me. And early P.S. Uh what the f*ck was that whole Mayan calender, end of the world bullshit all about? Nevermind! Any…

I kicked off 2012 by being accepted to one of the best Nursing programs in the city on the spot during my interview. It was the greatest feeling in the world because it was that moment when the first day of my career as a Nurse began. I had spent my early 20’s buried and burned out in the realm of social services until I couldn’t take anymore. I needed to follow my dream and Nursing was it for me. Nursing School began in July and it has been not stop studying, 4AM wake up times to be on the hospital floor at 6:30AM, and dealing with patients, families, and classmates (some which you cannot stand, there’s always one in every group) on a daily basis. I am happy to say that I have become good friends with a select few of my classmates. These wonderful ladies keep me grounded and are my back when I need one. I was lucky of enough to make the Director’s List not one Term, but for TWO TERMS IN A ROW! And something I have never found myself being able to do (in an obviously heterosexual favored school setting) occurred – I opened up about being a Lesbian to my favorite Instructor and to a few classmates (them being the wonderful group of ladies). None of my other Instructors are aware, but the one whom I disclosed this information to was the perfect person to tell because we click and I feel safe with her.

Knowing who is really in your corner in the friendship department is always wise. I’m usually open to making new friends (and by usually I mean it’s a rare occasion. That’s the true Cancer in me!) but this year more than ever I have bonded with a few women who are more like family than they are friends. The club scene never appealed to me when I turned 21, mainly because I was so busy sneaking into the clubs when I was in high school. My friends are like me – older, wiser, and more low key. Our conversations are more on the level of careers, families, and the state of how ratchet these young women are today, and they occur over fine wine or a champagne brunch. We are the modern day Sex and the City. These women will be in my life for a very long time, and one of them will be the Godmother of my child. It’s through them that I learned that make shift families are the best family you could ever have. My friends have been my support system throughout my journey and they continue to be there and care. So called blood relatives, whom I have always been there for during their journeys, have yet to pick up the phone once just to see how school is going or just to see if I need anything. Not a phone call, not even a text message. Thank God for my friends. I truly appreciate them in every way.

From a health perspective I have come so far from where I was a year ago. As of today I have lost 45lbs and have completely toned my body. I love the energy I have, I love how my clothes look on me, and I love my diet. It was not easy at first but I rarely ever crave those foods that I cut out of my diet anymore. In fact those foods make me sick if I even try to entertain them. Now that’s real progress. My goal for 2013 is to lose another 10lbs and completely tone my arms and abs. Pole Dancing will take care of that for me.

So here’s to hoping that 2013 continues to bestow many wonderful blessings upon me in the realm of school, work, and even in the love. My only resolution is to JUST BE HAPPY!

One Night Only: HawthoRNe's Pole Dance Debut



“It takes a lot of guts to get out there on that stage and do what we do…”



 

Show Me What You Twerkin' Wit

And I did it! Those were the famous words of my Pole Master before we took the stage on December 7^th for my first ever Pole Dance Recital.

As part of my fitness journey I have been (now) exclusively taking Fitness and Pole Dance classes at A Sensual You Pole Dance & Fitness Studio located in Philadelphia, PA. My journey with Pole Dance and my AMAZING POLE MASTER began during a Pole Party my friends and I hosted back in March 2012. We had such an interest and good time that we had to have two parties that month. And so my Pole Addiction kicked off.

I’m usually at the studio 3-4 days per week for Pole, Kickboxing, Yoga, and Tease classes. These classes keep my mind and body in shape. One day I’ll have to post some before ASY and with ASY photos just to show you how far I have come with their help in this journey.

The days and weeks leading up to the recital were hard work and intense. I decided to dance to three songs: “Diced Pineapples” by Rick Ross, “Suga Mama” by Beyoncé, and my signature, Alter Ego song “Darling Nikki” by Prince, and each song required some practice, a few routine sections, and free styling. “Diced Pineapples” was my intense Pole work routine, “Suga Mama” was fast, upbeat with Pole and Chair work, and “Darling Nikki” was a lot of sexual, sensual Floor work and one of my signature Pole moves – Fast Drop Plank!

My costumes were on point for my songs as well. Being that I surrendered the extensions back in July I purchased a Lace Front Wig with super long curly tresses. One thing I learned about Pole Dancing is that Hair is a major routine accessory so there is no doubt that I was whipping it, stroking it, and playing it up. I shall rock one for my next Pole Dance Recital.

Yes that’s right, there will be another Pole Dance Recital (First Quarter of 2013, look out for dates!) and I plan on performing. I’m already getting some song ideas and routines in my head. One song in particular I want to dance to is “Secret” by Maroon 5. That song is PURE SEX! Pole Dancing has truly changed my life. My confidence level is through the roof, I feel sexy, I walk sexy, hell I even talk sexy and I owe it all to my Pole Master Instructors of ASY. Barbara and Mary truly know how to transform the “everyday woman” into a sensual Vixen.

Wanna feel sexy? Always wanted to try Pole Dancing? Looking for a life changing experience? If you’re in the Philly, New Jersey, Delaware, hell even New York area please drop by A Sensual You and change your life. Fair Warning: YOU WILL BECOME ADDICTED TO THE POLE.

Here’s an idea of what goes on at a Pole Dance Recital:

 

The Mommy Blues

Fashion Forward Member of The Hot Moms Club

I’ve got the Blues. No, not those kind of sappy, feeling bad for myself because it’s the holiday season kind of blues. I’ve got the Baby Fever Want To Be A Mommy kind of blues.

I have always wanted to be a Mother; it’s the one thing I will never compromise on in a relationship. So therefore I have adopted the motto that whether I have a partner or not I am going to be a Mother.

The idea of Single Motherhood – although terrifying to others – never scared me. I’ve weighed the options, taken inventory of my future, and I am solid in my thinking and planning surrounding this journey in my life. My Mother is my best support system and my friends will play an active role in being the community/village that helps raise my child. Childcare, School, and extracurricular activities require a trust fund account of their own, but I am going into a profession that will allow me to provide those things on my own without the need for a partner. Not to mention that I will be relocating to an area where the Nursing jobs and chances for advancement are plenty and the cost of living is far better than Philly.

So what does my little Diva look like? Notice how I said Diva not Leading Man. I prefer a Girl; I want to raise a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman who will contribute good things to this world. Now that does not mean that I will shun a son because trust me he will be the epitome of the word GENTLEMAN and also contribute good things to this world (unlike the rest of the men of color in this society). But regardless of the sex, my child will be half Asian. When contemplating a donor I never once considered an African-American…my choices have always been one of the European descents, Israeli, or Asian. Over the years I have fallen more towards having an Asian donor. I admire their culture, their values about education and family mirror mine, and let’s admit it BLASIAN (Black & Asian) babies are just f*cking adorable! Hello Tae Heckard, Kimora Lee Simmons, Tyson Beckford, Kelis, Chanel Iman, Amerie.

No doubt being a member of the Hot Moms Club is high on my list. Keeping in shape is already a priority for me. I look good and feel even better. I don’t plan on ever letting myself go as so many women seem to do post child birth and even after settling down. That is a huge no-no in my book. I’ll be that Mom who is rocking skinny jeans and stilettos to my kid’s soccer game, the Mom with the banging body who bakes the most exquisite cupcakes for the PTA meetings, the Mom everyone’s (married) Dad drools over but Oh no, sorry Boys I’m more interested in your Wives.

Motherhood is going to be a delight for me. No doubt there will be sleepless nights, empty wine bottles, and days where I’ll say “What the f*ck was I thinking” but still a true delight.

Single For The Holidays

Who needs a Lover when you've got Friends?

As I begin to officially, fully transition my closet from Fall to Winter (yeah I’m one of those people who break out the sweaters, pea coats, scarves, gloves, and hats post-Thanksgiving because until then my leathers keep me plenty warm and stylish) I’m sitting here listening to the R&B/Pop Christmas station on Pandora…And then it hits me – Another year, another holiday, completely SINGLE!

This time last year I was trying to the dating thing, however nothing ever prospered from it (obviously!) but I was lucky enough to spend the holidays with my wonderful group of friends. My friends are my ideal family. We celebrate every occasion, holiday, or just because it’s Wednesday and we want to drink. We do a lot of entertaining throughout the year but the holidays are what truly matters.

One thing about the holidays is that it gets my mind going about the kind of family I will have someday and the kind of festivities that will take place in my home. I want a big home where I can entertain. Our Christmas tree and home decorations will be eclectic – I love the Blue, Gold, and stark White colored trees they have on the market these days. Friends who have become family can stop by for dinner, egg nog, a few rounds of spades and maybe some MJ Experience on Wii. I love to bake so my child and I will bake up and decorate some cookies, cupcakes, and open two presents on midnight before sending them to bed.

My hope for the future and holiday gatherings with my friends keeps me from being blue during the holidays. Do I wish I had a lover to spend the holidays with? Of course! I don’t think anyone wishes to be single for the holidays…unless their name is Ebenezer Scrooge.

Are you single for the holidays? What are your plans?

Glamazon! My Makeup Bag



GLAMAZON
It's an art & way of life

I’m a Femme and I love, love, love, love, love being a Girl! It’ safe to say that makeup is a huge part of my life. Am I one of those women who won’t allow her Lover to see her without makeup on? No! Am I one of those women who can’t leave the house without a full face? No! I am a firm believer that if you’re going to be in a relationship with someone then she needs to know what you look like glammed up and totally stripped down – if you have no idea what your Lover looks like without makeup then exit stage right immediately!

My Complexion: I have the Mixed Chicks Dilemma – Gold/Yellow undertone with skin that’s a Butterscotch-Caramel mix in the Winter (MAC NC44), and a Caramel-Nutmeg mix in the Summers (MAC NC55).

Face: I have tried just about every drugstore and department store foundations and as much as I have strayed I have always come back to MAC’s Studio Fix Foundation. No other brand, including those specifically designed for women of color, has been able to give me the coverage I crave and match my complexion as MAC has done. The concealer I use is Maybelline’s Liquid Concealer in Café which I commonly find at Target. And to finish off my look I use Cover Girl’s TruBlend Minerals in 415. A little goes a long way with this powder, in fact I’ve had my current one for 4 months now.

Eyes: The eyes MUST POP whether it be a subtle neutral tone or a complete viva glam, the eyes MUST POP! Costal Scents Eye Shadow Palette’s are a GOD SEND. If you’re not already on the bandwagon I highly suggest you jump on it and fast. I have the 88 Shimmer Palettes and I am in love! For a Primer I use Coastal Scents Camo Quad. I’m not a fan of this concealer quad for my face but it’s perfection with my eye shadows. My eyeliner can vary but my daily use is a pencil from New York Color (NYC), and for a night out I use Almay’s Liquid Eyeliner in Smoke Gray. I’m not a fan of false lashes unless they are to be worn for a formal event or photo shoots so I give my lashes some illusion with NYC’s Show Time Mascara.

Lips: I’m not a lipstick kind of girl, never have been and probably never will be. I don’t like how it goes on and I don’t like how it feels. But when it comes to glosses I’m all over it. My daily staple is NYC’s Liquid Lipshine in Nude. I also own the same brand in about 4 other colors as well. They give my lips a sexy wet look and are very buildable. If I’m going for a glam look I’ll use an NYC lip liner pencil then build with the lip gloss.

That’s what’s in my makeup bag…what’s in yours? Got an interesting tip? SHARE!

Femme 4 Femme = Bisexual?!?



Femme Invisibility
IT'S REAL

Yes, you read that correctly. According to some members of the (Black) Lesbian community, mainly those who identify as Studs, a Feminine Lesbian who ONLY PREFERS Feminine Lesbians is a Bisexual. Hmmm…rejection issues, much?!? I think so.

If you didn’t know, or care to know, Femme Invisibility is ALIVE, WELL, & REAL! Femme Invisibility: Lesbian women who are Feminine get seen as straight—by Heterosexuals, other non-Femme identified Lesbians, and sometimes even by our fellow Femme Lesbians. Why? Because America and the Lesbian community conforms to Lesbian stereotype of either the Butch/Stud Lesbian or relationships that imitate the traditional Heterosexual relationship complete with specified Gender Roles. I can write an entire thesis on Femme Invisibility, but that’s not the topic of today’s discussion.

If I had a dollar for every time I was accused of being a Bisexual because of my preference for Feminine Lesbians I would have Nursing School paid for and still have funds leftover to plan the ultimate girls’ weekend in Vegas. I’m a Lesbian and have been since I was like 8 years old. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never dated men, and have no intentions of every doing so. So Studs, no I don’t care about your money, your cars, your clothes, your whores (…I suppose…I just wanna be successful…Love that Drake song). That never impresses me.

I have a type, just like the rest of the world, and SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE OR CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR A HE. She can be called a Femme, Sporty-Femme, or Femme with an Edge. She’s just as comfortable in jeans, sweats, and a t-shirt as she is in a business suit, cocktail dress, or formal gown. She can be an Alpha Female and take charge, or she can be the Beta Female and let me run the show. She can hit the hair salon and nail salon on a bi-weekly basis with me, and indulge a little or a lot at the MAC store. Her mannerisms are Feminine, yet she does not conform to Gender Roles so opening doors is not seen as a “man/stud thing” it’s a common courtesy thing (I still walk Old Ladies across the street). Cultured, Educated, & Sophisticated.

And for those who need Visual Aids, here are some pictures of women I consider to be My Type:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So stop the hatred and accusations. Every Femme is not looking for a Stud, and every Stud is not looking for a Femme. Find a woman who loves your type and run with it…

Status Change: How Soon Is Too Soon?

Can I get a AMEN?

When you really haven’t dated in a long time and you finally find someone you (think you) click with and could potentially build a relationship with you get super excited and the first thing you are tempted to do is showcase it on Facebook. How do you do so? By changing your relationship status of course!

The infamous Facebook Relationship Status Change. Over the past week I have seen about 20% of my Facebook Friends change their relationship status:

Case #1 – Person A and Person B have dated before, but Person B was more of a Shane type and therefore the demise of that relationship was born. Fast Forward to 2 weeks ago when Person A and Person B’s Facebook status read they have gone from Single to a Relationship with Person A/B…Fast Forward to last week’s status message for Person: Person A has gone from being In a Relationship to Single

Case #2 – Person C and Person D have been on again/off again forever. One month they’re engaged and happy, six months later they’re rocking out to Single Ladies, and a week later they’re back at it Engaged again. It’s an Engaged-Single cycle with them and I don’t know if it will ever end!

Case #3 – Person E changes their relationship status from Single to Married every time she has a first date with someone, only to change it back to Single a few days later when she decides the woman is no longer the one. My advice to Person E was to stop trying to Wife every chick they date and just get to know them.

I’m not one to change my Facebook status all willy nilly. When I was with my Ex I did not change my relationship status until we had sex and established that we were in a relationship. So I went from Single to being In a Relationship, but when she cheated and we split I went back to being Single. Now that I am putting myself back out there in terms of wanting to Date and hopefully form a relationship I’m very hesitant about ever changing my relationship status from Single unless it’s from Single to Married.

SN/Update: I made the decision to no longer see “Beautiful” (the first Black woman I ever dated). She’s still married to her Wife, and I know I deserve and can do better than a Married Woman…

My First Time Dating A Black Woman

I know I’ve been MIA for the past few weeks, but Nursing School is very demanding and very exhausting. I barely have time to check in on Facebook let alone sit down and compose a blog post. So please charge it to my head and not to my heart…I think that’s how that saying my Grandmother always used goes…

We all have our First experiences in life – our first time, first love, coming out, first kiss – some more rightfully noted than the others, but I am having a first that for a Black Lesbian may be a little shocking – My First Time Dating a Black Woman. Yes, you read that correctly, this is my first time dating a fellow Black Woman. If you’ve been following my blog you’d know that all my past relationships have been with White Women. I’ve been on dates with Black Women but they never went beyond one date because (and I have mentioned this in my previous post) we just don’t click. I have nothing against Black Women, we just don’t click!

I met Beautiful via the Curve Magazine dating website (if you’re serious or curious about online dating check it out best selection of active Lesbian members) about a month ago. Her profile was very articulate, multiple pictures displaying her beauty, and we shared a lot of the same views on what makes a relationship work. Beautiful is 40 and a fellow Cancer. Conversation flowed naturally and the more I get to know her the more I see our thinking is aligned on the same track. We laugh, we joke around, we just enjoy spending time with each other. She puts a huge smile on my face every time we speak, I receive text messages, or when I brag about her to friends.

When considering the long haul, I can definitely see myself going the distance with Beautiful. She’s cultured, educated, sophisticated the way I like them. She doesn’t subscribe to the Hood Mentality and keeps it classy always. Her mind intrigues me more than her body. I wasn’t specifically looking to become so involved with someone right now, but I’ve always been told that when you stop looking what you desire finds you. In the African-American Lesbian community, beautifully intelligent cultured women are a rare find. I’ve definitely found a diamond.  Let’s hope this continues to go well…