Divine 29

I have had some good birthdays to include wild and crazy nights out on the town with strip clubs and strippers, dinners and shots, and some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. But my 29^th birthday tops them all!

Knowing that my birthday was on a Thursday this year (the 18^th) I decided that I would celebrate the entire weekend (extra bonus with me being off from work that entire weekend as well). My party destinations were Sisters on Thursday night, a Pool Party hosted by the Stimulus Group on Friday night, and Dinner at Tierra Colombiana on Saturday night, today I am regrouping from all the events.

Well Thursday did not go according to plan. My best friend surprised me with a surprise party at her home! I thought I was going to spend that time making cupcakes with my nieces but she got me good. The best gift was that my new love – Mrs. Right – was there! Yes, my love drove all the way from a meeting in Central New Jersey, got stuck is horrific traffic, just to make it in time to surprise me. My best friend even pushed the party time off just so she could be there. Talk about LOVE! I’m still in awe over her being there.

Friday and Saturday night went according to plan. The Pool Party was amazing. We took over someone’s Cabana but having Mrs. Right by my side along with my friends made the night one to remember. If you’re ever in Philly and want the best Paella (aside from Abuela’s) in town I highly suggest the seafood paella at Tierra Colombiana and order a pitcher of Passion Fruit Mojitos.

29 thus far has been the year of new beginnings and changes – I’ve secured my Nursing future, no longer needing to relocate to the South, and the best new beginning of them all is that I have found an incredible woman whom I am falling in love with.

29 truly is Divine!

My New Love Interest

I guess the old saying is true: The moment you stop looking that’s when you find what you’re seeking. Ironically this happened just days after my previous blog post!

Since July 8^th I have been on Cloud 9, All Smiles, and incredibly happy and she – Mrs. Right – is a huge part of the reason why. I have not been this into a woman in a very long time, but I love this feeling and I am going with it. She has changed the game for me in so many ways and again I am along for the ride.

She’s 4 years older than me

She has a wonderful child

Works in Healthcare

Highly Educated

Cultured, Sophisticated, Classy

And the shock factor (for some) – SHE’S AFRICAN AMERICAN!

Told you she changed the game for me. A loving, caring, affectionate, sensual, sexy, intriguing woman is the best pre-birthday gift I could ever receive. 29 is being started right and I am eternally grateful for having her in my life…

I'm Just Not That Into You: My Current Dating Pitfalls

Dating is not easy, and truthfully not my favorite thing in the world. I believe that’s why I was such a serial monogamist for all those years. But none the less, it is a necessary evil if one desires to find Mrs. Right instead of Ms. Right Now.

Back in January I made the decision to start actively participating in the dating arena. My life is on a great path, school is going well, work is going well (and even getting better), I have a wonderful group of friends, and my relationship with my Mother is closer than ever (now that she knows she’ll be getting that one thing she has asked me for in the future). So why not add to it, right? Easier said than done for me.

Lady X and I have been dating on/off since January and as much as I did initially like her and considered embarking into relationship territory I’m glad I waited because I got to see her true colors, indirectly discern the truth about her “situation” and learn that as much as I want to like her a certain way this woman and I could never have the fulfilling relationship that I truly desire. The result: Platonic Friend Zone.

GI Jane is the woman I have been out with twice. Things were going extremely well communication wise. We enjoyed the same things, conversation flowed naturally, and I got to see her in an athletic zone which was pretty cool BUT (yup there’s one) one afternoon while I was out with friends and informed her that we were still attending an event and unfortunately there was no way I was going to make it to an impromptu meeting at a bar she was attending with her friends. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because she hung up and sent me an “Oh Whatever!” text. RED FLAGS! The result: Platonic Friend Zone. Even though she called, apologized, and offered an explanation for her antics – “I was drinking and wanted to see you”, I still can’t see myself being nothing more than friends with her. She presented herself as feminine but when we hang out outside of athletics she’s more on the Soft Stud side – nothing feminine about her dress at all.

Other women and I have been on one date and it never went anywhere. The chemistry wasn’t there, the conversation was lacking, or we just didn’t click on any level at all. All in all, I can honestly say with the women I have been encountering I’m just not that into them…and so my search continues…

You're a Woman, She's a Woman...So Why Are You Calling Her Daddy?

On Sunday many celebrated Father’s Day - I just spent some time with my Grandfather before bailing on my family and heading to my Bestie’s house to spend the remainder of the day with her family – and as I browsed the many post on my Facebook newsfeed I came across several pictures from many Lesbian fan pages with Stud identified women captioned “Best Dad in the World” or “My Children Love Their Daddy.” Huh?!? Now I totally respect a transgender (FTM, MTF) person’s right to be acknowledged as their chosen gender with proper pronouns. I have two MTF friends whom I have known since I was 18 and both Ladies are respected, accepted, and acknowledged as the women they are. But this clearly is not the case with many Stud identified women today.

I’m not a fan of nor do I believe in mimicking heterosexual models of relationships. I think it’s very detrimental and fuels the stereotype that Stud identified lesbians want to be men and Feminine identified lesbians just need a good man. This is hardly the case! What puzzles me is that some Stud identified women will engage in cat calling and street harassment tactics prevalent in the heterosexual male community, they will address other Stud women with the masculine pronoun “Bruh” or use the term “Dude” in reference to another Stud, call women Bitches and Ho’s BUT the second someone treats them like a man they’re ready to cry and scream discrimination or I’m a woman and should be treated as such. Really?!?

And sadly it’s not just some Studs, Feminine women add to this foolish f*ckery too. They’ll refer to or call their partner “My Boyfriend” or “My Husband”. The one thing that gets under my skin is they will make their child(ren) call their partner “Daddy” and/or refer to her as “He/Him”. WTF?!? It’s one thing for you engage in the foolishness, but leave the kid(s) out of it! Just because you’re confused doesn’t mean they should be about something that is so clearly black and white.

Back in May one of my favorite Lesbian pages on Facebook posted a Huffington Post article by Alex Berg entitled: “Move Over, Gaybros: Masculine Privilege Thrives Among Queer Women Too.” The article speaks about how masculine identified women can be compared to heterosexual males based on their actions, speech, etc.

Thoughts…

Computer Love, Part Deux

Sorry for the late hooray moment, but I did complete my first year of Nursing School back on May 23^rd and celebrated with my awesome Divas at Sisters. I got home at 3:30AM rolled out of bed a hungover mess to make it to school on time for my clinical evaluation. Now I’m on summer break and get to reenergize for my Senior year ahead. Wow time really has flown by…

Any who, back to the subject at hand. Online Dating. I still have two active profiles out there, although I did recently meet an incredibly beautiful, smart, fun woman whom I have had the pleasure of spending time with, in fact tomorrow morning we’re going on an Ice Cream for Breakfast date (can you say excited! I value uniqueness)…but I’ll dish a little more about her later...I have to admit that my original go to site (Curve Personals) is very stale these days. Lesson Learned: A good site doesn’t last forever.

A few months ago I was out at a Meetup group happy hour and overheard two members talking about OK Cupid. Being the curious person I am I signed up, completed my profile, uploaded recent pictures and let the good times roll. The beauty of this site is that it’s free! You can email people and respond to their emails without having to pay a single fee. You can see who has stalked (I mean viewed) your profile and even send out broadcast for folks to meet up with you somewhere local and safe. Another cool feature they have is match questions – the more questions your answer the higher your match potential and it even shows you if this person is a good match for a Lover, Friend, or Enemy. Not sure how 100% valid it is but it’s a fun tool. They have a very active member base which is good. The drawback? Incomplete profiles, profiles without pictures (or just bad blurry, I’m hiding from the FBI pictures), and the nosy male who likes checking out lesbian profiles – although I have just discovered a fix to this. They offer you the option for your profile to only be visible to your fellow Lesbians. This is the site where I met G.I. Jane (yeah that nickname suits her for now).

Last night I was on Facebook’s Our Sista Circle page (by the way, if any Lesbians of Color are seeking an online venue to socialize and connect with other Lesbians of Color please join their website and like their Facebook page. This is for Lesbians of Color ONLY and the admin is very serious about keeping it that way. Respect her house.) and a member asked a question about her Craigslist ad. Now aside from finding a job or an apartment, I highly doubt you are going to find anything of substance in the Craigslist personals. But hey if ratchet/trashy is what you go for then so be it. Here is the text she shared from her Craigslist ad:

“Submitted Question for Advice-- So I am a seasonal CL poster (it is how I tend to meet new women offline) and occasionally I get the "helpful" email stating I am asking for way to much. So I want to know, how do the ladies of Our Sista Circle craft a personal ad. I have been told I am far too honest with what I want and who I am (Me: chocolate brown, natural hair, 5K above poverty money, non-smoker, casual drinker, grad student, non driver, chatty, anxious, selfish, over weight, moody, speed talker looking for a calm non-smoking individual that likes to cuddle and make out, no kids nor desire for kids, will allow me to be a human with moods and emotions and the inconstancies that entails, has a firm grasp on their career and what they want to do with the next ten years, owns or rents a place alone, pays their bills regularly, comfortable with a friend that is a lover approach to a relationship, enjoys giving and taking control, likes to plan and co-plan), too controlling in how much time we spend with each other and the money we invest in each other (Call at least once a day to establish a pattern of being in each other's lives, make an attempt to spend one day a week together, any time spent together is without cell phones, that we do not dive in our savings to treat each other, do not do things we can not afford to do on a regular basis.) tend to over think everything (reiterate anxious) and put the idea of love on a pedestal (love is a seed that must be tended daily in its early stages to grow roots until tending becomes a practice like showering.).

I don't want to bankrupt someone for a night on the town nor have someone try to take my last pennies. I am careless with my own cash and do not need encouragement to bring my bank account to zero (It's there until payday right now.).

I want to have someone to call and listen to my lack luster days and talk about fun/boring/political/random/etc things that strike us. I want someone between 26 and 34 years of age so I don't feel like a baby sitter or a indulged child. If only for the summer.”

Now I’m all for honesty but this ad definitely screams find the nearest exit and run for your life! Please, please, please whatever you do use this as a cautionary tale of things NEVER to put into an online profile or personal ad. I guarantee you’ll be single for the rest of your life.

Enabling Parents: F*cked Up Family Dynamics

This post is going to be highly personal, more so than ever before but I need to get this off my chest and out of my head.

Everyone knows that I am my Mother’s only child, but I also have two brothers (26 and 21) from my Father and his Wife. I rarely speak about them (with the exception of my little brother) because I’m not a big fan of the 26 year old and my Father’s Wife…and now more recently my Father.

My Father’s Wife was always verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive towards me growing up. She would call me bitches, put me down constantly, and always accuse me of doing drugs or having sex. I had self-esteem issues all the way into my early 20’s because of this. I swear she is Bipolar and has Borderline Personality Disorder traits. We’ve never been close and truth be told we never will be.

The 26 year old is the one my Father’s Wife should have been accusing of doing drugs and everything under the sun – yet never did say a word. He dropped out of High School, has warrants for his arrest in more than one state, has 5 children by 4 different women, no form of employment, drinks, uses numerous drugs, and like his mother is Bipolar with Borderline Personality Disorder.

The 21 year old is more like me. He’s got his shit together – graduated high school, went to college, and now has a very lucrative job which has enabled him to strike out on his own and purchase his first home.

Growing up with these folks was clearly no walk in the park. Here you have two children who are doing what is asked of them, they are completing their education, they’re not out selling drugs to undercover cops, not throwing tantrums and destroying your home because they can’t have their way, they’re not out there making babies and bills they can’t take care of yet not once have they had the support system they needed. Lucky for me I had my Mother, she has always been my biggest support but my 21 year old brother didn’t have anyone at home, he got his support from his teachers and some Aunts.

My (Passive) Father and his Wife have spent years and years enabling and rewarding the negative behaviors of the 26 year old. They support his kids, they support his drug habits, they allow him to constantly wreak havoc upon their home, they lie to the warrant squad when they show up at 3AM to haul his ass off to jail, they pay for his trips to Florida to visit relatives and hang out on the beach, they drive him everywhere instead of making him use public transportation (yet if he wants his drugs he will find a way to get to his dealer but tell him to find a job and he needs a ride everywhere), and make excuse after excuse for his behaviors.

So when my Father’s Wife’s birthday rolled around a few days ago and no one acknowledged it (I never remember when her birthday is, but I do know my Mother’s is December 17^th), not even the 26 year old who is constantly getting bailed, until my Father proceeded to berate us for it and then has the audacity to question the resentment. You and your Wife breeded this resentment. In my opinion they don’t care about anyone other than the 26 year old and his kids. It’s been obvious for years.

Today my Father said that all of this (referring to how we don’t want to be bothered by him or his Wife) was going to come back on us. Funny thing is that this is their Karma. Treat your good kids’ right and maybe someday they’ll treat you the same…

My Scandal Addiction & Tormentous Love Affair

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one cheering during Thursday’s new episode of Scandal. From Olivia demanding that Fitz “Earn Me!” to Fitz making a declaration to “Watch me earn you.” Some people don’t like the relationship between Liv and Fitz; they have argued that it is daunting, demeaning, disrespectful, etc. But I totally sympathize with them because I’ve been there.

Once upon a time when I was young and oh so naïve (still young but not so naïve anymore) I had a very tormentous love affair with a woman who was a married closeted Lesbian. Her husband knew she was a Lesbian and their marriage (still is) troubled because of it. They never had children…they have an “understanding.” Due to the public nature of her husband’s career she vowed to play the role of “The Good Wife” and remain married instead of being true to herself.

At first things were casual and fun. We’d act like perfect best friends in the public eye and even in front of her husband…then perfect lovers in the privacy of her personal condo. It was never supposed to be so complicated or serious but the inevitable happened – we started falling in love with each other. And that’s when the torment began.

The Yes Yes, No No

I want you, but on my terms

I don’t want you, and I don’t want anyone else to have you

It’s your life there, or your life with me

Wait for me, I promise to leave…just not right now

Let me go!

Keep me by your side

I love you

I hate you!

This went on for about 2 ½ years before they moved away. The telephone conversations became less and less, emails just would not suffice. I think we both got tired of holding onto something that was emotionally destroying us…at least I know I did which is why I made the decision to officially walk away. At first it was hard, she was the first woman I was ever truly in love with, but like all things time is a healer.

While I was watching this scene from Scandal it made me think of her and I, how this would have been our happy ending if she would have just let the clock run out…

 

"Time's up. It's done...unless you don't want me..."

Scandal

 

No More Gettin' It, I'm Not Feeling It: Bad Sex

Two blog post in one week! To what do you owe the pleasure? A compelling need to vent a little about bad sex experiences. Now I’ve already shared with you about the best I’ve ever had and I promised to divulge about the worst I’ve ever had. So here it goes…

I love sex and believe life is too short for bad sex. I have no issues communicating my wants and needs openly and always do without hesitation. One of the reasons why I have a strong preference for women in the 35-45 age range is because when it comes to the bedroom majority of them know how to throw down. They know that foreplay begins well before the bedroom and that one good climax deserves more. I honestly cannot complain about these women so kudos to you and keep doing what you’re doing because you do it oh so well.

I’ve only had two bad sexual experiences and no I will not give either woman the opportunity to reprieve themselves. As Samantha Jones would say “Fuck me badly once, shame on you, fuck me badly twice shame on me.”

Case #1: Good foreplay, bad performance. It’s like the buildup only to be let down. There was just too much going on, too fast, and at the wrong times. Whoa chick! I’m gonna need you to slow it down and focus. I called this ADHD Fucking.

Case #2: No foreplay, bad performance, inappropriate timing use of toys. I was just not feeling it at all. And when I thought it would get better and just maybe I can get myself to orgasm it got worse and at that point I just smiled and said “I’m done here.”

FYI: If a woman you just had sex with rolls over to make a call, send a text message, or just gets up nonchalantly to go find other ways to entertain herself, then you have failed to satisfy her sexually.

Sexual compatibility cannot be taught, it cannot be faked, you either have it or you don’t. As for bad sex, as Beyoncé says “I’m not feeling it!”

 

"Kitty Kat" by Beyonce

Atlanta vs. Houston: Where Should I Live?!?

As the end of my first year of Nursing School draws near, my future has increasingly been on my mind. One thing that has been a constant thought is where I want to relocate to next year. When I began my journey two years ago I knew I wanted to move to Atlanta. I looked up all the information I could on the suburbs, hospitals, and Lesbian life in general. My heart was set on residing in Marietta or Kennesaw, purchasing my first home because real estate is such a steal down there, and just kicking off my career and business in the Nursing field. Since becoming a Mother is a high priority on my list, I also looked at private schools and even Hebrew Day Schools too (that’s a discussion for another post).

My mind was definitely hardcore set on running from PA to GA…but then I started to open my mind to other states and even possibilities. I composed a list of places I’d consider living and raising a child in – Houston, Arlington, Silver Spring, Kansas City, even Nevada – and right after Atlanta, Houston is #2 on the list. Now I have yet to explore Houston even though I have family who reside in the state of Texas, but from what I have read and heard about the area, real estate, private school systems, and Lesbian life it’s definitely a place I need to explore and very soon. One thing I know for sure is that Houston has far more CRNA programs than Atlanta (they have one in the entire state of GA where TX has plenty).

I’m planning a trip to Houston for the summer and even to Atlanta so I have a more immediate basis for comparison. This discussion definitely warrants a Part Deux…

Where would you live? Have you explored Atlanta or Houston?

I Love Her...Now What?!?

Ever hear the saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him what you have planned”?  Or “Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it”? I’m experiencing a combination of the two at this moment. Where do I begin with this story about Lady X.?

We met back in January via a mutual acquaintance. I don’t think either of us was on the hunt for anything more than to get out of the house and have a good conversation with a great group of people…but again be careful what you ask for…Conversation flowed naturally and the chemistry was instant. Lady X is very down to earth, laid back, cultured, educated, sophisticated, sassy, and sexy. She is one of the very few people I am able to be myself around and feel as though she does not have extreme expectations of me. Whenever we hang out we have a great time and it’s always a night to remember. When I take her to events or parties hosted by my friends they all love her and have threatened that I cannot come around unless she is by my side. We are very open with each other about our past and what we are unwilling to accept going forward.

How do I know I love her? …and by the way, the love is mutual…About 2.5 weeks ago things  got weird surrounding a particular situation (which does not warrant full detail here, sorry Loves but too much info is not the best idea right now…maybe later…). Our communication was off/on, hot/cold and coupled with the fact that we had not seen each other. Another trait we both possess is stubbornness. I think we each expected the other to break the ice and fix the problem…or to speak the truth: I f*cking miss you! During that time I was frustrated, having trouble sleeping, and could not stop thinking about her. That is so not me…unless I’m vested in someone and that was/is the case with Lady X. After not speaking and a drastic decision a phone call was made – me to her. It was tense but by the end of it we were laughing and making plans to see each other.

Once we saw each other it was pure bliss…and the make up sex was off the chain! We both admitted (pre-make up sex) that we love each other but don’t want to rush or jinx things. We both have some things in our lives to get in order but she knows where she stands in my heart…