DILEMMA: Being Chased by a Cougar, But Crushing on a Straight Woman #WhereTheyDoThat@?

The Cougar vs. The Straight Woman

I swear all of this just came out of nowhere! Like what the motherf*ck?!? Overnight something happened somewhere, somehow and I’m still in awe over it all. So I’ve been talking to The Cougar for a bit now – casual email, text banter back and forth several times a day, shameless flirting here and there – she’s hella sexy, in her mid-40’s, educated, sophisticated, accomplished, and for those of you who this matters for, she’s White. She was very forward during our first conversation, insisting that I take her number and “call or text me anytime, beautiful.” For those of you who don’t know, I LOVE COUGARS! There’s just something about a woman in that 35-45 age range that peaks my interest and drives me wild (in a VERY VERY VERY good way, check out my post entitled Ode to Cougars). When (if) I ever settle down, don’t be too surprised to hear that my Mrs. is somewhere within that age range.

Somewhere in the mix of my ever so willing chase with The Cougar, The Straight Woman (and let me clarify that I am not 100% sure she is Straight, she could be Bisexual or some other orientation) and I began to form a friendship. We share a common interest and it provides us ample opportunities to engage with one another. I honestly never looked at her the way I do now until we had a conversation over another common interest we share. The Straight Woman is hella sexy, possibly my age, educated, sophisticated, accomplished in her own way, and for those of you who this matters for, she’s Black. Now I can admit that I have developed feelings for The Straight Woman and based on the conversations she has initiated (topics, etc) something about me intrigues her too. I haven’t asked her about her orientation, and truthfully I’m not sure I know how to do so.

This has never happened to me before, I used to be a serial monogamist and when I was interested in one woman she was my focus. I never dated or entertained more than one woman at a time, but my oh my have the tables turned. I love being chased by The Cougar, she’s very charismatic in her approach but realistically I don’t think I can speak or act on my feelings for The Straight Woman. I’ve never been one to pursue a woman who was not already a Lesbian and part of me doesn’t want the proverbial headache that comes along with acclimating someone to a Lesbian relationship, but then another part of me thinks being open to turning a woman who is straddling the proverbial fence out because hey we all gotta learn from someone, right?

The last thing I want is to get caught up in a Trey Songz "Last Time" situation...Now that is a true Dilemma...

The Bisexual Game, Part Deux: Open Letter From Me to You

I never thought I would have to go there with you, because so many have gone there with you and one would think you would have gotten it by now, but alas as usual words of wisdom, caution, and advice have fallen on deaf ears.

I’m not a fan of beating around the bush, so let’s get down to it, shall we? I know you’re stuck between a rock and hard place – the breeders (heterosexuals) don’t accept you, and the Lesbians won’t date you – and I can shed some light as to why you are constantly rejected by Lesbians. First, you all have this fucked up sense/view of women in general. A woman is NOT a pair of shoes at DSW - something you just “try out” or “experiment” with. Many of you complain of this sort of treatment from a Man, so why turn around and treat a fellow Woman with the same disrespect?

If I hear one more of you say that sex between women is “not real sex” I am personally going to see that the Smack a Stupid Bitch Up committee pays you a visit. Nothing devalues the love, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability of the mental and physical connection formed via sex between women, more than stating that it isn’t real. And you’re still wondering why Lesbians won’t date you?!? Do realize how stupid you sound?!?

I don’t know where many Bisexuals got this idea, but just because the technical definition of a Lesbian is a Woman who loves to engage in sexual and emotional relationships with other Women, doesn’t mean that a Lesbian has to date you. And it doesn’t mean you have to date a Lesbian. You can date a fellow Bisexual. Although most of you have said you don’t want to date a Bisexual for the same precise reasons a Lesbian will not date a Bisexual. Go Figure!

And lastly, my personal favorite, quoting the Bible. What the fuck are you thinking?!?  That’s all I have to say on that one…

Now clearly this open letter isn’t for all Bisexuals because some of you (and I do mean some, like 10%) know how to act and that’s the subset that most Lesbians, if they are going to get involved with a Bisexual, are willing to consider dating. But the rest of you have a lot to learn. Lesbianism is not some fad, not some switch we can flick and turn off and on, it’s LIFE. We are Women who require the same love, attention, affection, kindness, caring, and respect just as any other Woman gracing this earth. Our love for one another is significant and should NEVER be regarded as some social experiment, and should ALWAYS be taken seriously.

The next time you think about approaching a Lesbian, put yourself in her shoes, and by all means be careful what you say…

Check out The Bisexual Game Part One