Goodbye 2012, Next Up 2013!

Out with the old, In with a New

As we prepare to bid farewell to 2012, I’ve been taking stock of the wonderful blessings that have been bestowed upon me. And early P.S. Uh what the f*ck was that whole Mayan calender, end of the world bullshit all about? Nevermind! Any…

I kicked off 2012 by being accepted to one of the best Nursing programs in the city on the spot during my interview. It was the greatest feeling in the world because it was that moment when the first day of my career as a Nurse began. I had spent my early 20’s buried and burned out in the realm of social services until I couldn’t take anymore. I needed to follow my dream and Nursing was it for me. Nursing School began in July and it has been not stop studying, 4AM wake up times to be on the hospital floor at 6:30AM, and dealing with patients, families, and classmates (some which you cannot stand, there’s always one in every group) on a daily basis. I am happy to say that I have become good friends with a select few of my classmates. These wonderful ladies keep me grounded and are my back when I need one. I was lucky of enough to make the Director’s List not one Term, but for TWO TERMS IN A ROW! And something I have never found myself being able to do (in an obviously heterosexual favored school setting) occurred – I opened up about being a Lesbian to my favorite Instructor and to a few classmates (them being the wonderful group of ladies). None of my other Instructors are aware, but the one whom I disclosed this information to was the perfect person to tell because we click and I feel safe with her.

Knowing who is really in your corner in the friendship department is always wise. I’m usually open to making new friends (and by usually I mean it’s a rare occasion. That’s the true Cancer in me!) but this year more than ever I have bonded with a few women who are more like family than they are friends. The club scene never appealed to me when I turned 21, mainly because I was so busy sneaking into the clubs when I was in high school. My friends are like me – older, wiser, and more low key. Our conversations are more on the level of careers, families, and the state of how ratchet these young women are today, and they occur over fine wine or a champagne brunch. We are the modern day Sex and the City. These women will be in my life for a very long time, and one of them will be the Godmother of my child. It’s through them that I learned that make shift families are the best family you could ever have. My friends have been my support system throughout my journey and they continue to be there and care. So called blood relatives, whom I have always been there for during their journeys, have yet to pick up the phone once just to see how school is going or just to see if I need anything. Not a phone call, not even a text message. Thank God for my friends. I truly appreciate them in every way.

From a health perspective I have come so far from where I was a year ago. As of today I have lost 45lbs and have completely toned my body. I love the energy I have, I love how my clothes look on me, and I love my diet. It was not easy at first but I rarely ever crave those foods that I cut out of my diet anymore. In fact those foods make me sick if I even try to entertain them. Now that’s real progress. My goal for 2013 is to lose another 10lbs and completely tone my arms and abs. Pole Dancing will take care of that for me.

So here’s to hoping that 2013 continues to bestow many wonderful blessings upon me in the realm of school, work, and even in the love. My only resolution is to JUST BE HAPPY!

One Night Only: HawthoRNe's Pole Dance Debut



“It takes a lot of guts to get out there on that stage and do what we do…”



 

Show Me What You Twerkin' Wit

And I did it! Those were the famous words of my Pole Master before we took the stage on December 7^th for my first ever Pole Dance Recital.

As part of my fitness journey I have been (now) exclusively taking Fitness and Pole Dance classes at A Sensual You Pole Dance & Fitness Studio located in Philadelphia, PA. My journey with Pole Dance and my AMAZING POLE MASTER began during a Pole Party my friends and I hosted back in March 2012. We had such an interest and good time that we had to have two parties that month. And so my Pole Addiction kicked off.

I’m usually at the studio 3-4 days per week for Pole, Kickboxing, Yoga, and Tease classes. These classes keep my mind and body in shape. One day I’ll have to post some before ASY and with ASY photos just to show you how far I have come with their help in this journey.

The days and weeks leading up to the recital were hard work and intense. I decided to dance to three songs: “Diced Pineapples” by Rick Ross, “Suga Mama” by Beyoncé, and my signature, Alter Ego song “Darling Nikki” by Prince, and each song required some practice, a few routine sections, and free styling. “Diced Pineapples” was my intense Pole work routine, “Suga Mama” was fast, upbeat with Pole and Chair work, and “Darling Nikki” was a lot of sexual, sensual Floor work and one of my signature Pole moves – Fast Drop Plank!

My costumes were on point for my songs as well. Being that I surrendered the extensions back in July I purchased a Lace Front Wig with super long curly tresses. One thing I learned about Pole Dancing is that Hair is a major routine accessory so there is no doubt that I was whipping it, stroking it, and playing it up. I shall rock one for my next Pole Dance Recital.

Yes that’s right, there will be another Pole Dance Recital (First Quarter of 2013, look out for dates!) and I plan on performing. I’m already getting some song ideas and routines in my head. One song in particular I want to dance to is “Secret” by Maroon 5. That song is PURE SEX! Pole Dancing has truly changed my life. My confidence level is through the roof, I feel sexy, I walk sexy, hell I even talk sexy and I owe it all to my Pole Master Instructors of ASY. Barbara and Mary truly know how to transform the “everyday woman” into a sensual Vixen.

Wanna feel sexy? Always wanted to try Pole Dancing? Looking for a life changing experience? If you’re in the Philly, New Jersey, Delaware, hell even New York area please drop by A Sensual You and change your life. Fair Warning: YOU WILL BECOME ADDICTED TO THE POLE.

Here’s an idea of what goes on at a Pole Dance Recital:

 

The Mommy Blues

Fashion Forward Member of The Hot Moms Club

I’ve got the Blues. No, not those kind of sappy, feeling bad for myself because it’s the holiday season kind of blues. I’ve got the Baby Fever Want To Be A Mommy kind of blues.

I have always wanted to be a Mother; it’s the one thing I will never compromise on in a relationship. So therefore I have adopted the motto that whether I have a partner or not I am going to be a Mother.

The idea of Single Motherhood – although terrifying to others – never scared me. I’ve weighed the options, taken inventory of my future, and I am solid in my thinking and planning surrounding this journey in my life. My Mother is my best support system and my friends will play an active role in being the community/village that helps raise my child. Childcare, School, and extracurricular activities require a trust fund account of their own, but I am going into a profession that will allow me to provide those things on my own without the need for a partner. Not to mention that I will be relocating to an area where the Nursing jobs and chances for advancement are plenty and the cost of living is far better than Philly.

So what does my little Diva look like? Notice how I said Diva not Leading Man. I prefer a Girl; I want to raise a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman who will contribute good things to this world. Now that does not mean that I will shun a son because trust me he will be the epitome of the word GENTLEMAN and also contribute good things to this world (unlike the rest of the men of color in this society). But regardless of the sex, my child will be half Asian. When contemplating a donor I never once considered an African-American…my choices have always been one of the European descents, Israeli, or Asian. Over the years I have fallen more towards having an Asian donor. I admire their culture, their values about education and family mirror mine, and let’s admit it BLASIAN (Black & Asian) babies are just f*cking adorable! Hello Tae Heckard, Kimora Lee Simmons, Tyson Beckford, Kelis, Chanel Iman, Amerie.

No doubt being a member of the Hot Moms Club is high on my list. Keeping in shape is already a priority for me. I look good and feel even better. I don’t plan on ever letting myself go as so many women seem to do post child birth and even after settling down. That is a huge no-no in my book. I’ll be that Mom who is rocking skinny jeans and stilettos to my kid’s soccer game, the Mom with the banging body who bakes the most exquisite cupcakes for the PTA meetings, the Mom everyone’s (married) Dad drools over but Oh no, sorry Boys I’m more interested in your Wives.

Motherhood is going to be a delight for me. No doubt there will be sleepless nights, empty wine bottles, and days where I’ll say “What the f*ck was I thinking” but still a true delight.

Single For The Holidays

Who needs a Lover when you've got Friends?

As I begin to officially, fully transition my closet from Fall to Winter (yeah I’m one of those people who break out the sweaters, pea coats, scarves, gloves, and hats post-Thanksgiving because until then my leathers keep me plenty warm and stylish) I’m sitting here listening to the R&B/Pop Christmas station on Pandora…And then it hits me – Another year, another holiday, completely SINGLE!

This time last year I was trying to the dating thing, however nothing ever prospered from it (obviously!) but I was lucky enough to spend the holidays with my wonderful group of friends. My friends are my ideal family. We celebrate every occasion, holiday, or just because it’s Wednesday and we want to drink. We do a lot of entertaining throughout the year but the holidays are what truly matters.

One thing about the holidays is that it gets my mind going about the kind of family I will have someday and the kind of festivities that will take place in my home. I want a big home where I can entertain. Our Christmas tree and home decorations will be eclectic – I love the Blue, Gold, and stark White colored trees they have on the market these days. Friends who have become family can stop by for dinner, egg nog, a few rounds of spades and maybe some MJ Experience on Wii. I love to bake so my child and I will bake up and decorate some cookies, cupcakes, and open two presents on midnight before sending them to bed.

My hope for the future and holiday gatherings with my friends keeps me from being blue during the holidays. Do I wish I had a lover to spend the holidays with? Of course! I don’t think anyone wishes to be single for the holidays…unless their name is Ebenezer Scrooge.

Are you single for the holidays? What are your plans?

Glamazon! My Makeup Bag



GLAMAZON
It's an art & way of life

I’m a Femme and I love, love, love, love, love being a Girl! It’ safe to say that makeup is a huge part of my life. Am I one of those women who won’t allow her Lover to see her without makeup on? No! Am I one of those women who can’t leave the house without a full face? No! I am a firm believer that if you’re going to be in a relationship with someone then she needs to know what you look like glammed up and totally stripped down – if you have no idea what your Lover looks like without makeup then exit stage right immediately!

My Complexion: I have the Mixed Chicks Dilemma – Gold/Yellow undertone with skin that’s a Butterscotch-Caramel mix in the Winter (MAC NC44), and a Caramel-Nutmeg mix in the Summers (MAC NC55).

Face: I have tried just about every drugstore and department store foundations and as much as I have strayed I have always come back to MAC’s Studio Fix Foundation. No other brand, including those specifically designed for women of color, has been able to give me the coverage I crave and match my complexion as MAC has done. The concealer I use is Maybelline’s Liquid Concealer in Café which I commonly find at Target. And to finish off my look I use Cover Girl’s TruBlend Minerals in 415. A little goes a long way with this powder, in fact I’ve had my current one for 4 months now.

Eyes: The eyes MUST POP whether it be a subtle neutral tone or a complete viva glam, the eyes MUST POP! Costal Scents Eye Shadow Palette’s are a GOD SEND. If you’re not already on the bandwagon I highly suggest you jump on it and fast. I have the 88 Shimmer Palettes and I am in love! For a Primer I use Coastal Scents Camo Quad. I’m not a fan of this concealer quad for my face but it’s perfection with my eye shadows. My eyeliner can vary but my daily use is a pencil from New York Color (NYC), and for a night out I use Almay’s Liquid Eyeliner in Smoke Gray. I’m not a fan of false lashes unless they are to be worn for a formal event or photo shoots so I give my lashes some illusion with NYC’s Show Time Mascara.

Lips: I’m not a lipstick kind of girl, never have been and probably never will be. I don’t like how it goes on and I don’t like how it feels. But when it comes to glosses I’m all over it. My daily staple is NYC’s Liquid Lipshine in Nude. I also own the same brand in about 4 other colors as well. They give my lips a sexy wet look and are very buildable. If I’m going for a glam look I’ll use an NYC lip liner pencil then build with the lip gloss.

That’s what’s in my makeup bag…what’s in yours? Got an interesting tip? SHARE!

Femme 4 Femme = Bisexual?!?



Femme Invisibility
IT'S REAL

Yes, you read that correctly. According to some members of the (Black) Lesbian community, mainly those who identify as Studs, a Feminine Lesbian who ONLY PREFERS Feminine Lesbians is a Bisexual. Hmmm…rejection issues, much?!? I think so.

If you didn’t know, or care to know, Femme Invisibility is ALIVE, WELL, & REAL! Femme Invisibility: Lesbian women who are Feminine get seen as straight—by Heterosexuals, other non-Femme identified Lesbians, and sometimes even by our fellow Femme Lesbians. Why? Because America and the Lesbian community conforms to Lesbian stereotype of either the Butch/Stud Lesbian or relationships that imitate the traditional Heterosexual relationship complete with specified Gender Roles. I can write an entire thesis on Femme Invisibility, but that’s not the topic of today’s discussion.

If I had a dollar for every time I was accused of being a Bisexual because of my preference for Feminine Lesbians I would have Nursing School paid for and still have funds leftover to plan the ultimate girls’ weekend in Vegas. I’m a Lesbian and have been since I was like 8 years old. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never dated men, and have no intentions of every doing so. So Studs, no I don’t care about your money, your cars, your clothes, your whores (…I suppose…I just wanna be successful…Love that Drake song). That never impresses me.

I have a type, just like the rest of the world, and SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE OR CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR A HE. She can be called a Femme, Sporty-Femme, or Femme with an Edge. She’s just as comfortable in jeans, sweats, and a t-shirt as she is in a business suit, cocktail dress, or formal gown. She can be an Alpha Female and take charge, or she can be the Beta Female and let me run the show. She can hit the hair salon and nail salon on a bi-weekly basis with me, and indulge a little or a lot at the MAC store. Her mannerisms are Feminine, yet she does not conform to Gender Roles so opening doors is not seen as a “man/stud thing” it’s a common courtesy thing (I still walk Old Ladies across the street). Cultured, Educated, & Sophisticated.

And for those who need Visual Aids, here are some pictures of women I consider to be My Type:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So stop the hatred and accusations. Every Femme is not looking for a Stud, and every Stud is not looking for a Femme. Find a woman who loves your type and run with it…

Status Change: How Soon Is Too Soon?

Can I get a AMEN?

When you really haven’t dated in a long time and you finally find someone you (think you) click with and could potentially build a relationship with you get super excited and the first thing you are tempted to do is showcase it on Facebook. How do you do so? By changing your relationship status of course!

The infamous Facebook Relationship Status Change. Over the past week I have seen about 20% of my Facebook Friends change their relationship status:

Case #1 – Person A and Person B have dated before, but Person B was more of a Shane type and therefore the demise of that relationship was born. Fast Forward to 2 weeks ago when Person A and Person B’s Facebook status read they have gone from Single to a Relationship with Person A/B…Fast Forward to last week’s status message for Person: Person A has gone from being In a Relationship to Single

Case #2 – Person C and Person D have been on again/off again forever. One month they’re engaged and happy, six months later they’re rocking out to Single Ladies, and a week later they’re back at it Engaged again. It’s an Engaged-Single cycle with them and I don’t know if it will ever end!

Case #3 – Person E changes their relationship status from Single to Married every time she has a first date with someone, only to change it back to Single a few days later when she decides the woman is no longer the one. My advice to Person E was to stop trying to Wife every chick they date and just get to know them.

I’m not one to change my Facebook status all willy nilly. When I was with my Ex I did not change my relationship status until we had sex and established that we were in a relationship. So I went from Single to being In a Relationship, but when she cheated and we split I went back to being Single. Now that I am putting myself back out there in terms of wanting to Date and hopefully form a relationship I’m very hesitant about ever changing my relationship status from Single unless it’s from Single to Married.

SN/Update: I made the decision to no longer see “Beautiful” (the first Black woman I ever dated). She’s still married to her Wife, and I know I deserve and can do better than a Married Woman…

My First Time Dating A Black Woman

I know I’ve been MIA for the past few weeks, but Nursing School is very demanding and very exhausting. I barely have time to check in on Facebook let alone sit down and compose a blog post. So please charge it to my head and not to my heart…I think that’s how that saying my Grandmother always used goes…

We all have our First experiences in life – our first time, first love, coming out, first kiss – some more rightfully noted than the others, but I am having a first that for a Black Lesbian may be a little shocking – My First Time Dating a Black Woman. Yes, you read that correctly, this is my first time dating a fellow Black Woman. If you’ve been following my blog you’d know that all my past relationships have been with White Women. I’ve been on dates with Black Women but they never went beyond one date because (and I have mentioned this in my previous post) we just don’t click. I have nothing against Black Women, we just don’t click!

I met Beautiful via the Curve Magazine dating website (if you’re serious or curious about online dating check it out best selection of active Lesbian members) about a month ago. Her profile was very articulate, multiple pictures displaying her beauty, and we shared a lot of the same views on what makes a relationship work. Beautiful is 40 and a fellow Cancer. Conversation flowed naturally and the more I get to know her the more I see our thinking is aligned on the same track. We laugh, we joke around, we just enjoy spending time with each other. She puts a huge smile on my face every time we speak, I receive text messages, or when I brag about her to friends.

When considering the long haul, I can definitely see myself going the distance with Beautiful. She’s cultured, educated, sophisticated the way I like them. She doesn’t subscribe to the Hood Mentality and keeps it classy always. Her mind intrigues me more than her body. I wasn’t specifically looking to become so involved with someone right now, but I’ve always been told that when you stop looking what you desire finds you. In the African-American Lesbian community, beautifully intelligent cultured women are a rare find. I’ve definitely found a diamond.  Let’s hope this continues to go well…

DILEMMA: Being Chased by a Cougar, But Crushing on a Straight Woman #WhereTheyDoThat@?

The Cougar vs. The Straight Woman

I swear all of this just came out of nowhere! Like what the motherf*ck?!? Overnight something happened somewhere, somehow and I’m still in awe over it all. So I’ve been talking to The Cougar for a bit now – casual email, text banter back and forth several times a day, shameless flirting here and there – she’s hella sexy, in her mid-40’s, educated, sophisticated, accomplished, and for those of you who this matters for, she’s White. She was very forward during our first conversation, insisting that I take her number and “call or text me anytime, beautiful.” For those of you who don’t know, I LOVE COUGARS! There’s just something about a woman in that 35-45 age range that peaks my interest and drives me wild (in a VERY VERY VERY good way, check out my post entitled Ode to Cougars). When (if) I ever settle down, don’t be too surprised to hear that my Mrs. is somewhere within that age range.

Somewhere in the mix of my ever so willing chase with The Cougar, The Straight Woman (and let me clarify that I am not 100% sure she is Straight, she could be Bisexual or some other orientation) and I began to form a friendship. We share a common interest and it provides us ample opportunities to engage with one another. I honestly never looked at her the way I do now until we had a conversation over another common interest we share. The Straight Woman is hella sexy, possibly my age, educated, sophisticated, accomplished in her own way, and for those of you who this matters for, she’s Black. Now I can admit that I have developed feelings for The Straight Woman and based on the conversations she has initiated (topics, etc) something about me intrigues her too. I haven’t asked her about her orientation, and truthfully I’m not sure I know how to do so.

This has never happened to me before, I used to be a serial monogamist and when I was interested in one woman she was my focus. I never dated or entertained more than one woman at a time, but my oh my have the tables turned. I love being chased by The Cougar, she’s very charismatic in her approach but realistically I don’t think I can speak or act on my feelings for The Straight Woman. I’ve never been one to pursue a woman who was not already a Lesbian and part of me doesn’t want the proverbial headache that comes along with acclimating someone to a Lesbian relationship, but then another part of me thinks being open to turning a woman who is straddling the proverbial fence out because hey we all gotta learn from someone, right?

The last thing I want is to get caught up in a Trey Songz "Last Time" situation...Now that is a true Dilemma...

The Bisexual Game, Part Deux: Open Letter From Me to You

I never thought I would have to go there with you, because so many have gone there with you and one would think you would have gotten it by now, but alas as usual words of wisdom, caution, and advice have fallen on deaf ears.

I’m not a fan of beating around the bush, so let’s get down to it, shall we? I know you’re stuck between a rock and hard place – the breeders (heterosexuals) don’t accept you, and the Lesbians won’t date you – and I can shed some light as to why you are constantly rejected by Lesbians. First, you all have this fucked up sense/view of women in general. A woman is NOT a pair of shoes at DSW - something you just “try out” or “experiment” with. Many of you complain of this sort of treatment from a Man, so why turn around and treat a fellow Woman with the same disrespect?

If I hear one more of you say that sex between women is “not real sex” I am personally going to see that the Smack a Stupid Bitch Up committee pays you a visit. Nothing devalues the love, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability of the mental and physical connection formed via sex between women, more than stating that it isn’t real. And you’re still wondering why Lesbians won’t date you?!? Do realize how stupid you sound?!?

I don’t know where many Bisexuals got this idea, but just because the technical definition of a Lesbian is a Woman who loves to engage in sexual and emotional relationships with other Women, doesn’t mean that a Lesbian has to date you. And it doesn’t mean you have to date a Lesbian. You can date a fellow Bisexual. Although most of you have said you don’t want to date a Bisexual for the same precise reasons a Lesbian will not date a Bisexual. Go Figure!

And lastly, my personal favorite, quoting the Bible. What the fuck are you thinking?!?  That’s all I have to say on that one…

Now clearly this open letter isn’t for all Bisexuals because some of you (and I do mean some, like 10%) know how to act and that’s the subset that most Lesbians, if they are going to get involved with a Bisexual, are willing to consider dating. But the rest of you have a lot to learn. Lesbianism is not some fad, not some switch we can flick and turn off and on, it’s LIFE. We are Women who require the same love, attention, affection, kindness, caring, and respect just as any other Woman gracing this earth. Our love for one another is significant and should NEVER be regarded as some social experiment, and should ALWAYS be taken seriously.

The next time you think about approaching a Lesbian, put yourself in her shoes, and by all means be careful what you say…

Check out The Bisexual Game Part One

Sorry, I Am NOT a Statistic

I’m doing the dating thing here and there, have yet to come across anyone worth my free time -what little free time I do have these days…Memo to Self: Next time you want to change careers have as much fun as possible before hand – but one question or statement seems to be common from women I’ve corresponded with, or random people I have encountered for one reason or another:

How many kids do you have? Ummmm. I don’t have any children.

 I mean don’t get me wrong. I love (GOOD) kids and will be conceiving one via donor in the future. But the question was not DO YOU have kids, it was HOW MANY kids do you have. Why the assumption?!? Me being the inquisitive woman I am began to ask my inquirers:

 What makes you think I have children?

 The common theme of the numerous answers I have received:

 “Most Black women in your age group, and who also identify as Lesbian usually have 2 or more children from a previous heterosexual relationship…”

I had to think about that, but I have to admit IT’S TRUE! Even a fellow Blogger DIARY OF A BLACK LESBIAN has touched on the subject via one of her post. Now before some of you get your panties in a knot, I’m not knocking those who have children via a heterosexual relationship. BUT the fact is a lot of African-American Lesbian do fall into that group.

I am not a statistic and I am proud not to be. Women were my first love and will always be my only love. So now when I’m confronted with the How Many Kiddies questions I just simply laugh. Will I date a woman with a child(ren)? It really depends on the woman, and the situation. In the past I have, but it did not last long or go far.

Does it annoy you when people assume that you have kids?

Have you ever dated a woman with kids? Would you ever do it again?

Act Like A Lady, Stop Approaching Me Like A Man!!!!!

Wouldn't You Expect More Than This
From Another Woman?

Ugh!!!!!!! I have officially reached my breaking point with this shit! I can’t with the Butch/Stud identified members of the Lesbian community anymore. Since when did approaching a woman with street slang and sexually suggestive commentary in the same manner in which a Heterosexual male would approach a female become acceptable?!? It’s disgusting, a HUGE TURN OFF, and IT HAS TO STOP NOW!

I’m a college educated woman, I don’t subscribe to the hood mentality, I carry myself with dignity, self-respect, and my mannerisms are on point. I find composing an email message in text lingo/jargon to be completely juvenile and I’m not a fan of small talk. So asking me mindless questions along the lines of “How’s the weather where you are?” – when you can clearly use Google and tell me in about two minutes – are going to be met with blank stares, or me asking the ultimate question – “What do you really want from me?!?”

I’m a female who is also a Feminine Lesbian who is a diehard fan of her fellow Feminine Lesbians. I get hit on/approached by Men daily and I do not like it, so when another Woman approaches me in the same manner in which those Men have – thuggish street slang, or via email messages composed in text lingo/jargon – I’m ready to run for the hills. So for the love of God, please STOP APPROACHING WOMEN WITH THAT SAME HOOD MENTALITY OR TEXT JARGON COMMONLY USED BY A MAN!!!!!

What do you think? Are you annoyed by this? Or do you welcome this kind of behavior/mentality?

…On another note, I had a wonderful birthday on Wednesday. Turning 28 has opened more doors in my mind, heart, and spirit…

I Surrender!: Bye Bye Extensions, Hello Natural Hair

After 8 years (yes it’s been that long) of exclusively wearing extensions, on Monday I decided to push up my Surrender Day from the 31^st and I took them out. During my last appointment with my Stylist (Special Shout Out to Tracy of Tresses byTracy – if you are looking for someone who specializes in all forms of extensions, and you want it to last 2+ months please book an appointment with her. Professional, not wait time or salon bullshit. She’s worth it!) back in May she suggested that I stop getting extensions done and start rocking my natural hair. Why? Because my natural hair was now 2 inches shorter than my extensions. I have to admit I was hesitant, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the freedom I had acquired with rocking extensions – i.e. fry, dye, curl, straighten all day, every day with no damage or effects to your natural hair. But deep inside I knew it was time.

My natural hair is very wavy/curly and thick. I recently learned that I have a 3B/3C combo curl pattern (Huh?!? What?!? All I know is this stuff is Curly-Wavy OOC). Back in the day I used to get the Hot Comb treatment then graduated to a relaxer at 15. Like most teenage girls, I wanted to blend in with the rest of the girls at school but see my hair never really got super straight like the others. A relaxer really did nothing for my hair texture if anything it just made my edges lay down better. Out of frustration and being at a lost as to what to do with my hair I began to get sew-ins when I was in college and I have not really seen or rocked my natural hair since then.

I did a lot of research into Dominican Blow Outs (I used to get them done back in the day as well) and spoke with lots of women who abandoned the Creamy Crack in favor of natural techniques. Now I’ve heard all the scare tactics that many have tried to use to scare others away from Blow Outs, and how many Black stylists believe that the Dominicans are stealing their business (I’ll touch on this sore spot in a minute) but I still went to have my blow out completed. I was referred to Luisa of Luisianys Dominican Beauty Salon located on 5600 W. Berks Street in Philadelphia. From the moment I walked in until I left the experience was AWESOME!

1. Professionalism/Personable: When I walked in the door Luisa herself greeted me with a smile, she introduced me to the young woman who would Shampoo and Deep Condition my hair. She also re-confirmed what I had spoken with her about on the phone regarding my hair and my expectations. I can honestly say that I have NEVER been greeted with such professionalism and personal attention at a Black salon. Most of the time the Receptionist (if there is one) or the Stylist is usually too busy eating, talking on their cell phone, or gossiping to greet a Client when they come through the door. Treat your Client’s like VIP always!

2. Cleanliness and Good Equipment/Decor: The salon was clean and organized and there were 2 other Stylist and about 8 Clients there. There was not food or drink or clutter all over the counters, the floors were free of hair and other debris, and the chairs, mirrors and stations were wiped down in between Clients. The Stylist even washed their hands when they began to service the next Client. The furniture and equipment were clean and free of rips, tears or any kind of damage. The music was not blaring, there were no children running around, or any baby daddy/ghetto gossip conversations going on.

3. Time and Cost: I remember times when I would spend 8 hours (yes a whole f*cking workday that I was not getting paid for) in a Black salon for a style that would only take 2 hours. Why? Because the Stylist triple booked, was bullshiting around , or she was taking 30 minute breaks to eat, have personal conversations on her cell phone, etc. Only to spend $60+ when it’s all said and done. When I walked into Luisianys salon I was in and out in 2 hours! Shampoo, Deep Condition, Blow Out, Curl – 2 Hours and only $35 plus Tip. And Luisa uses great products for all aspects of the process (check out My DNA product line and Dominican Products on RoundBrush.com)

I’m really loving my hair and my plan is to continue to grow it and keep it healthy. I’m addicted to Flexi-Rods (dark green 1inch) and since I don’t like the idea of using heat daily to style my hair I have been rolling my hair with them nightly and just taking them out and rocking the soft curls. So far, so good. I’m still on the hunt for the best moisturizer product for my hair – looking into Shea Moisture, the Dominican Products on RoundBrush.com, and Carols Daughter (although their stuff is more expensive than it needs to be).

How many of you have surrendered the extensions or said bye bye to the Creamy Crack? Are you loving the transformation or finding it to be a challenge? Have you received positive or negative feedback?

In my heart I know I made the right decision because it was time and I actually thought about the child I want to have someday. I’d love to have a daughter and I figured if I didn’t learn how to start dealing with my natural hair how am I going to do her hair and teach her how to care for it. As a mixed child I know all too well the battles she will endure just to love her natural hair.

Before
3B/3C Combo Hair After Extensions Taken out

After
3B/3C Combo Hair Post Blow Out

Black Lesbians Do Workout - My Journey to a Fit & Healthy Me

Last October I made the decision to get healthy. I don’t know if it was losing one of my Mother’s or the fact that I was finally getting closer to the one thing I had worked so hard for – Nursing, or that I was at yet another epiphany. The bottom line is I wanted to change. Healthy eating and lifestyles were never valued as much in the African-American community. I mean come on let’s face it, we’d fry water if they let us. Growing up in my father’s home I was surrounded by bad eating and lifestyle habits – chain smoking, fried foods, junk foods, sugary drinks, high salt processed foods, whole milk, etc. I had changed my eating habits back in high school, realizing that I did not want to end up with the same health problems they had and just because that shit – yes SHIT is what it is – was making me very sick. I think it was my body’s way of saying Hey B!tch, this ain’t going down how you think anymore.

Over the years I have been very consistent with my changes – no red meat, no pork, only poultry or fish, only skim milk – but I still indulged in the occasional bowl of Capt N’ Crunch or a Chicken Cheesesteak and Fries. After months of pondering I finally went online and signed up for a membership at my local Planet Fitness. I met with the Trainer and we spoke about Nutrition which I already knew about because at the time  I was taking a required Diet & Nutrition course for Nursing school so I pretty much knew what I had to do. But one thing she did enlighten me about was that in order to lose weight you must do more strength training than you do cardio – I, like most people, thought it was all about the cardio.

I changed my diet – more fruits, more veggies, more broiled/grilled/bakes fish or meat, more healthy adult cereals (Special K, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Chex) – and began to work out 5 days per week at Planet Fitness. Initially, the weight was coming off the way I wanted it to and I was toning at the same time which was great because people were really starting to notice. All was going well until I plateaued. I even switched my routine at the gym but nothing seemed to work. I got discouraged, even considered cutting more calories but all it did was make me nauseous.

Fast Forward to March 2012. My friends and I decided to have not one but two Pole Parties at a local studio. Now for those of you who have been following me for a while you remember my post about Pole Dancing so you know how much I love and admire the art form and those who use it to support themselves. My friends and I had so much fun at our Pole Party that I got back into taking Pole Dance classes. Little did I know that would be the turning point in my being fit and healthy journey.

A Sensual You Pole Dance and Fitness Studio is who I owe many thanks to. I cancelled my Planet Fitness membership and have been exclusively taking classes with my wonderful, knowledgeable instructor Barbara. It’s not all about the Pole, although that’s what initially draws you there. I take classes 5 days per week which include Pole, Kickboxing, Cardio, Ballet, Yoga, Climb and Core, Stiletto Fit (working out in heels!) and Twerk (yes there is a class to show you how to move like the Twerk Team but don’t be fooled it’s a lot of hard cardio work). My upper body strength is amazing!

Thus far, since my journey began in October 2011 I have lost 35lbs. Some people may not think it’s a lot but I prefer to take the weight off gradually instead of using starvation techniques that only make you gain double the weight once you eat a calorie more than you used to. I love the way I look, I love how I feel, and I am sticking to my current diet and fitness routine.

Here are some helpful tips/info that helped me along my journey:

(a) 50% is Nutrition, 40% Strength Training, 10% Cardio

(b) My Fitness Pal – iPod/Smartphone app that will help you keep track of your calories and your fitness profile. I have been using this since day one of my journey and it is so helpful with keeping track of nutrients. It will let you know when you have over consumed on nutrients such as sodium, cholesterol, fats, etc. Very helpful and highly recommended

(c) Fun classes versus the Gym – I find that if I take a fitness class that is more fun and doesn’t seem like a workout routine I go more consistently and I actually look forward to being there, whereas at the gym you know you are at the gym and there is only so much pleasure one can get out of going from machine to machine

(d) Multi-Vitamin – I’m the first to admit that I am not a fan of taking a pill everyday but have found that taking a multivitamin especially when I work out as much as I do really helps

(e) NEVER GIVE UP. There will be days you don’t feel like working out or days where you feel like nothing is happening fast enough. Just stick with it and I promise you this journey will pay off

Gay & Greek?

The Divine Nine

What Is a Delta
What Is a Delta
A Delta is what a AKA ain’t
What A Zeta wanna be
What a Sigma cant
What a Alpha like
What a Kappa love
What Que Psi Phi can’t get enough of

As you can guess I am team Delta Sigma Theta (DST). No disrespect to any of the other Divine Nine Greeks, but I come from a long line of DST women and someday I plan on becoming a member of Delta Sigma Theta Incorporated.

My college did not have a chapter when I attended, and truth be told even if they did I would not have pledged because I have this thing (more like theory) about joining Greek organizations while one is matriculating – translation DON’T DO IT, that is unless you want your GPA and financial aid status to suffer because of it. Just saying. I always knew I wanted to be a DST lady. I love what they stand for, I love their community service and education focus, and I just love the sense of sophistication, dignity, and grace they bring. No organization is perfect, but I know DST is for me.

The closer I get to putting myself out there for membership the more I began to wonder if being a Lesbian would hinder me in anyway. I never thought about it before, although I have always been a Lesbian. Now I’m going to keep it real, we all know about DL males who are members of Greek organizations even though it’s not outwardly spoken about you know you know. I actually have to credit E. Lynn Harris’s book entitled Invisible Life for shedding the light on that aspect of life. Who knew?!?

So being curious I began to search around Google for answers to me question: Is being Gay in a Divine Nine Organization acceptable? I stumbled across a site called GreekForums.com  where someone just as curious as I was about the topic proposed the same question on a thread. Now this thread is about 2 maybe 3 years old but the responses were interesting, but here is what I learned: You are not allowed to be questioned about your sexual orientation during the interview process, however if someone suspects (or knows) you are Gay or Lesbian they can use it as a basis (secretly) for not liking you and ultimately voting against you when it comes time to make the decision to accept or deny you.

The Black community is closed/narrow minded as it is. They allow the church to instill this fear and propagate a subliminal form of self-hatred against our own people that if it ain’t what the Preacher man said it should be then it’s all wrong – translation: You’re going to hell, regardless. I read some comments from people stating that homosexuals should join homosexual Greek organizations. So does that mean that the Divine Nine is a heterosexual organization? What about the Bisexuals? Don’t they need their own organization too? “I wouldn’t be comfortable with a homosexual being on line with me or working close with me or handling the same information.” So if you found out that your mail carrier was Gay or Lesbian would you then request that they discontinue serving your route because you don’t want them handling your mail?

Despite all of the shenanigans I am still going to join, but I am curious as to what others have to say about this. Do you think Gays and Lesbians should only be allowed to join Greek Organization specifically for those who are Gay or Lesbian? Would you/have you joined a Divine Nine organization? Why or why not?

Why Black Lesbians & I Just Don't Click When It Comes to Dating

Last year, one of my initial posts to this blog was about Interracial Dating. It covered a broad perspective on the topic, and I even shared one of my personal experiences. Let me say that I in no way, shape, or form have anything against African-American women. I love you all - Ummmm HELLO I am one of you – I think you are beautiful, sexy, sassy, strong, and did I mention sexy? BUT (Yes, there is a But) majority of you all just don’t get me, and when it comes to dating and relating majority of you like to adhere to these strict, outdated, gender roles which just do not sit well with me.

This is me: I’m very girly. Hair, makeup, shoes, accessories, if it’s Glam 9 times out of 10 I already own it. I like Old Navy, PZI Jeans, Uggs, Forever 21, American Eagle, H&M just to name a few. I’m well spoken, very articulate, some even say I talk like a White girl (I didn’t know a race had a specific way of speaking). I love to dine in the suburbs as opposed to your run of the mill hood establishment, and if I’m craving a night out on the town I prefer a few well known Gay/Lesbian spots in Center City versus hanging out at Roy’s Comfort Zone in the heart of North Philadelphia. When it comes to dating I prefer a fellow Feminine Lesbian.

And here is where our dilemma comes into play. Somewhere along the lines of Lesbianism within the African-American community someone ordained that we must continue to conform to the Butch/Stud-Femme style of dating and relating. Like it’s “unacceptable” for two Feminine women to date each other, or for two Butch/Stud women to date each other. And if you do step outside the proverbial box one of you must always assume a more dominant role. Uh really?!? I don’t think so! I refuse to conform to some crazy gender roles in my relationships. I want someone who is my partner, my equal, not someone who thinks there are only certain things I should be allowed to do because I am Feminine.

I’ve noticed that a lot of the predominately African-American web based fan pages and websites even play into this mentality. One I “Like” the other day posed two questions:

Studs, what can a Femme do to turn you on?

Femmes, what can a Stud do to turn you on?

F*cking really?!? What about Femme-Femme or Stud-Stud? Everyone does not conform to those pairing standards, yet it’s being propagated that the only kind of pairing that can exist is Butch/Stud-Femme. Is this the reason why all my long term relationships have been with White women? Yes and No. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to date and have a relationship with a fellow African-American Feminine Lesbian. My problem is that majority of them like to fall into those Butch/Stud-Femme pairings and sorry Honey but I’m not about to Butch Up just so you will consider dating me. When I was in relationships with White women they loved and embraced OUR femininity. They don’t have such strict standards of pairings; they just let each other be. Now I’m not saying that one woman cannot be dominant because Bette Porter’s character on The L Word is the perfect definition of an Alpha Feminine Lesbian (by the way this is sooooooooooooo my type) in a relationship with another Feminine Lesbian. But one should not have to abandon their femininity or their Femme identity, or abandon their Butch/Stud identity just to conform to the “acceptable” standards of dating and relating within the African-American community.

The Long (HARD) Road to Nursing School

“Ya Girl is back!” (in my Jay-Z voice ala Change Clothes) 

And it feels so good. This is so long overdue but I’m back, ready to make this blogging experience an ever constant part of my journey through Nursing School and beyond. So much has happened since the end of 2011 and beginning of 2012. I lost one of my Mother’s, yet gained a wonderful family in return, I got accepted into Nursing School at Roxborough Memorial Hospital School of Nursing, and got wait listed after being dissed at my first choice – Abington Memorial Dixon School of Nursing (F*ck You B!tches, PAY ME!). All in all, things worked out for the better and so my journey through Nursing School begins.

Fall Semster 2011 was hectic and crazy. I was losing my mind over my Chemistry course, yet passing with flying colors in my online Diet & Nutrition course. I had to take the TEAS exam again because I finally decided not to put all my eggs in one Nursing School basket. This was my future I was juggling with so not getting into a school was not an option. 2012 had to be the year, it was all or nothing. So I had to study for my CCP courses which I needed to pass in order to be accepted, and study for the TEAS exam which I also needed to retake in order to be accepted, and get not one but both Nursing School applications prepared for submission January 2012. Did I mention it was also the holidays so you know parties, families, craziness in general.

One thing I have come to understand is that no matter how well your machine is running, one monkey wrench can set you back to start. The Incompetents (the name I use to describe the Admissions Coordinator and the Receptionist at Dixon School of Nursing) informed me that they would not be processing my application because my transcripts were never sent. After a good 15 minute debate (they lost, ALWAYS KEEP PROOF) I was finally informed that they “accidentally” shredded my transcripts and would need a new copy of them. Of course this was two days before the application deadline! WTMF?!? Are you serious?!? If I were a real B!tch I could play the Race Card and say they tried to hinder me because I’m a minority or a Jew (hey I have a Jewish last name)…but alas I’m not that much of a B!tch, and I hate when people try to play the Race Card.

So I went to my Admissions interview at both schools, Roxborough called me in before Abington and accepted me on the spot, while you could cut the tension in the room with a knife during my interview with Abington. June 13^th is when I hit the ground running. I’m excited, I’m scared, but overall I am ready for the rest of my life to begin.