Sorry, I Am NOT a Statistic

I’m doing the dating thing here and there, have yet to come across anyone worth my free time -what little free time I do have these days…Memo to Self: Next time you want to change careers have as much fun as possible before hand – but one question or statement seems to be common from women I’ve corresponded with, or random people I have encountered for one reason or another:

How many kids do you have? Ummmm. I don’t have any children.

 I mean don’t get me wrong. I love (GOOD) kids and will be conceiving one via donor in the future. But the question was not DO YOU have kids, it was HOW MANY kids do you have. Why the assumption?!? Me being the inquisitive woman I am began to ask my inquirers:

 What makes you think I have children?

 The common theme of the numerous answers I have received:

 “Most Black women in your age group, and who also identify as Lesbian usually have 2 or more children from a previous heterosexual relationship…”

I had to think about that, but I have to admit IT’S TRUE! Even a fellow Blogger DIARY OF A BLACK LESBIAN has touched on the subject via one of her post. Now before some of you get your panties in a knot, I’m not knocking those who have children via a heterosexual relationship. BUT the fact is a lot of African-American Lesbian do fall into that group.

I am not a statistic and I am proud not to be. Women were my first love and will always be my only love. So now when I’m confronted with the How Many Kiddies questions I just simply laugh. Will I date a woman with a child(ren)? It really depends on the woman, and the situation. In the past I have, but it did not last long or go far.

Does it annoy you when people assume that you have kids?

Have you ever dated a woman with kids? Would you ever do it again?

Act Like A Lady, Stop Approaching Me Like A Man!!!!!

Wouldn't You Expect More Than This
From Another Woman?

Ugh!!!!!!! I have officially reached my breaking point with this shit! I can’t with the Butch/Stud identified members of the Lesbian community anymore. Since when did approaching a woman with street slang and sexually suggestive commentary in the same manner in which a Heterosexual male would approach a female become acceptable?!? It’s disgusting, a HUGE TURN OFF, and IT HAS TO STOP NOW!

I’m a college educated woman, I don’t subscribe to the hood mentality, I carry myself with dignity, self-respect, and my mannerisms are on point. I find composing an email message in text lingo/jargon to be completely juvenile and I’m not a fan of small talk. So asking me mindless questions along the lines of “How’s the weather where you are?” – when you can clearly use Google and tell me in about two minutes – are going to be met with blank stares, or me asking the ultimate question – “What do you really want from me?!?”

I’m a female who is also a Feminine Lesbian who is a diehard fan of her fellow Feminine Lesbians. I get hit on/approached by Men daily and I do not like it, so when another Woman approaches me in the same manner in which those Men have – thuggish street slang, or via email messages composed in text lingo/jargon – I’m ready to run for the hills. So for the love of God, please STOP APPROACHING WOMEN WITH THAT SAME HOOD MENTALITY OR TEXT JARGON COMMONLY USED BY A MAN!!!!!

What do you think? Are you annoyed by this? Or do you welcome this kind of behavior/mentality?

…On another note, I had a wonderful birthday on Wednesday. Turning 28 has opened more doors in my mind, heart, and spirit…

I Surrender!: Bye Bye Extensions, Hello Natural Hair

After 8 years (yes it’s been that long) of exclusively wearing extensions, on Monday I decided to push up my Surrender Day from the 31^st and I took them out. During my last appointment with my Stylist (Special Shout Out to Tracy of Tresses byTracy – if you are looking for someone who specializes in all forms of extensions, and you want it to last 2+ months please book an appointment with her. Professional, not wait time or salon bullshit. She’s worth it!) back in May she suggested that I stop getting extensions done and start rocking my natural hair. Why? Because my natural hair was now 2 inches shorter than my extensions. I have to admit I was hesitant, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the freedom I had acquired with rocking extensions – i.e. fry, dye, curl, straighten all day, every day with no damage or effects to your natural hair. But deep inside I knew it was time.

My natural hair is very wavy/curly and thick. I recently learned that I have a 3B/3C combo curl pattern (Huh?!? What?!? All I know is this stuff is Curly-Wavy OOC). Back in the day I used to get the Hot Comb treatment then graduated to a relaxer at 15. Like most teenage girls, I wanted to blend in with the rest of the girls at school but see my hair never really got super straight like the others. A relaxer really did nothing for my hair texture if anything it just made my edges lay down better. Out of frustration and being at a lost as to what to do with my hair I began to get sew-ins when I was in college and I have not really seen or rocked my natural hair since then.

I did a lot of research into Dominican Blow Outs (I used to get them done back in the day as well) and spoke with lots of women who abandoned the Creamy Crack in favor of natural techniques. Now I’ve heard all the scare tactics that many have tried to use to scare others away from Blow Outs, and how many Black stylists believe that the Dominicans are stealing their business (I’ll touch on this sore spot in a minute) but I still went to have my blow out completed. I was referred to Luisa of Luisianys Dominican Beauty Salon located on 5600 W. Berks Street in Philadelphia. From the moment I walked in until I left the experience was AWESOME!

1. Professionalism/Personable: When I walked in the door Luisa herself greeted me with a smile, she introduced me to the young woman who would Shampoo and Deep Condition my hair. She also re-confirmed what I had spoken with her about on the phone regarding my hair and my expectations. I can honestly say that I have NEVER been greeted with such professionalism and personal attention at a Black salon. Most of the time the Receptionist (if there is one) or the Stylist is usually too busy eating, talking on their cell phone, or gossiping to greet a Client when they come through the door. Treat your Client’s like VIP always!

2. Cleanliness and Good Equipment/Decor: The salon was clean and organized and there were 2 other Stylist and about 8 Clients there. There was not food or drink or clutter all over the counters, the floors were free of hair and other debris, and the chairs, mirrors and stations were wiped down in between Clients. The Stylist even washed their hands when they began to service the next Client. The furniture and equipment were clean and free of rips, tears or any kind of damage. The music was not blaring, there were no children running around, or any baby daddy/ghetto gossip conversations going on.

3. Time and Cost: I remember times when I would spend 8 hours (yes a whole f*cking workday that I was not getting paid for) in a Black salon for a style that would only take 2 hours. Why? Because the Stylist triple booked, was bullshiting around , or she was taking 30 minute breaks to eat, have personal conversations on her cell phone, etc. Only to spend $60+ when it’s all said and done. When I walked into Luisianys salon I was in and out in 2 hours! Shampoo, Deep Condition, Blow Out, Curl – 2 Hours and only $35 plus Tip. And Luisa uses great products for all aspects of the process (check out My DNA product line and Dominican Products on RoundBrush.com)

I’m really loving my hair and my plan is to continue to grow it and keep it healthy. I’m addicted to Flexi-Rods (dark green 1inch) and since I don’t like the idea of using heat daily to style my hair I have been rolling my hair with them nightly and just taking them out and rocking the soft curls. So far, so good. I’m still on the hunt for the best moisturizer product for my hair – looking into Shea Moisture, the Dominican Products on RoundBrush.com, and Carols Daughter (although their stuff is more expensive than it needs to be).

How many of you have surrendered the extensions or said bye bye to the Creamy Crack? Are you loving the transformation or finding it to be a challenge? Have you received positive or negative feedback?

In my heart I know I made the right decision because it was time and I actually thought about the child I want to have someday. I’d love to have a daughter and I figured if I didn’t learn how to start dealing with my natural hair how am I going to do her hair and teach her how to care for it. As a mixed child I know all too well the battles she will endure just to love her natural hair.

Before
3B/3C Combo Hair After Extensions Taken out

After
3B/3C Combo Hair Post Blow Out

Black Lesbians Do Workout - My Journey to a Fit & Healthy Me

Last October I made the decision to get healthy. I don’t know if it was losing one of my Mother’s or the fact that I was finally getting closer to the one thing I had worked so hard for – Nursing, or that I was at yet another epiphany. The bottom line is I wanted to change. Healthy eating and lifestyles were never valued as much in the African-American community. I mean come on let’s face it, we’d fry water if they let us. Growing up in my father’s home I was surrounded by bad eating and lifestyle habits – chain smoking, fried foods, junk foods, sugary drinks, high salt processed foods, whole milk, etc. I had changed my eating habits back in high school, realizing that I did not want to end up with the same health problems they had and just because that shit – yes SHIT is what it is – was making me very sick. I think it was my body’s way of saying Hey B!tch, this ain’t going down how you think anymore.

Over the years I have been very consistent with my changes – no red meat, no pork, only poultry or fish, only skim milk – but I still indulged in the occasional bowl of Capt N’ Crunch or a Chicken Cheesesteak and Fries. After months of pondering I finally went online and signed up for a membership at my local Planet Fitness. I met with the Trainer and we spoke about Nutrition which I already knew about because at the time  I was taking a required Diet & Nutrition course for Nursing school so I pretty much knew what I had to do. But one thing she did enlighten me about was that in order to lose weight you must do more strength training than you do cardio – I, like most people, thought it was all about the cardio.

I changed my diet – more fruits, more veggies, more broiled/grilled/bakes fish or meat, more healthy adult cereals (Special K, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Chex) – and began to work out 5 days per week at Planet Fitness. Initially, the weight was coming off the way I wanted it to and I was toning at the same time which was great because people were really starting to notice. All was going well until I plateaued. I even switched my routine at the gym but nothing seemed to work. I got discouraged, even considered cutting more calories but all it did was make me nauseous.

Fast Forward to March 2012. My friends and I decided to have not one but two Pole Parties at a local studio. Now for those of you who have been following me for a while you remember my post about Pole Dancing so you know how much I love and admire the art form and those who use it to support themselves. My friends and I had so much fun at our Pole Party that I got back into taking Pole Dance classes. Little did I know that would be the turning point in my being fit and healthy journey.

A Sensual You Pole Dance and Fitness Studio is who I owe many thanks to. I cancelled my Planet Fitness membership and have been exclusively taking classes with my wonderful, knowledgeable instructor Barbara. It’s not all about the Pole, although that’s what initially draws you there. I take classes 5 days per week which include Pole, Kickboxing, Cardio, Ballet, Yoga, Climb and Core, Stiletto Fit (working out in heels!) and Twerk (yes there is a class to show you how to move like the Twerk Team but don’t be fooled it’s a lot of hard cardio work). My upper body strength is amazing!

Thus far, since my journey began in October 2011 I have lost 35lbs. Some people may not think it’s a lot but I prefer to take the weight off gradually instead of using starvation techniques that only make you gain double the weight once you eat a calorie more than you used to. I love the way I look, I love how I feel, and I am sticking to my current diet and fitness routine.

Here are some helpful tips/info that helped me along my journey:

(a) 50% is Nutrition, 40% Strength Training, 10% Cardio

(b) My Fitness Pal – iPod/Smartphone app that will help you keep track of your calories and your fitness profile. I have been using this since day one of my journey and it is so helpful with keeping track of nutrients. It will let you know when you have over consumed on nutrients such as sodium, cholesterol, fats, etc. Very helpful and highly recommended

(c) Fun classes versus the Gym – I find that if I take a fitness class that is more fun and doesn’t seem like a workout routine I go more consistently and I actually look forward to being there, whereas at the gym you know you are at the gym and there is only so much pleasure one can get out of going from machine to machine

(d) Multi-Vitamin – I’m the first to admit that I am not a fan of taking a pill everyday but have found that taking a multivitamin especially when I work out as much as I do really helps

(e) NEVER GIVE UP. There will be days you don’t feel like working out or days where you feel like nothing is happening fast enough. Just stick with it and I promise you this journey will pay off