You're a Woman, She's a Woman...So Why Are You Calling Her Daddy?

On Sunday many celebrated Father’s Day - I just spent some time with my Grandfather before bailing on my family and heading to my Bestie’s house to spend the remainder of the day with her family – and as I browsed the many post on my Facebook newsfeed I came across several pictures from many Lesbian fan pages with Stud identified women captioned “Best Dad in the World” or “My Children Love Their Daddy.” Huh?!? Now I totally respect a transgender (FTM, MTF) person’s right to be acknowledged as their chosen gender with proper pronouns. I have two MTF friends whom I have known since I was 18 and both Ladies are respected, accepted, and acknowledged as the women they are. But this clearly is not the case with many Stud identified women today.

I’m not a fan of nor do I believe in mimicking heterosexual models of relationships. I think it’s very detrimental and fuels the stereotype that Stud identified lesbians want to be men and Feminine identified lesbians just need a good man. This is hardly the case! What puzzles me is that some Stud identified women will engage in cat calling and street harassment tactics prevalent in the heterosexual male community, they will address other Stud women with the masculine pronoun “Bruh” or use the term “Dude” in reference to another Stud, call women Bitches and Ho’s BUT the second someone treats them like a man they’re ready to cry and scream discrimination or I’m a woman and should be treated as such. Really?!?

And sadly it’s not just some Studs, Feminine women add to this foolish f*ckery too. They’ll refer to or call their partner “My Boyfriend” or “My Husband”. The one thing that gets under my skin is they will make their child(ren) call their partner “Daddy” and/or refer to her as “He/Him”. WTF?!? It’s one thing for you engage in the foolishness, but leave the kid(s) out of it! Just because you’re confused doesn’t mean they should be about something that is so clearly black and white.

Back in May one of my favorite Lesbian pages on Facebook posted a Huffington Post article by Alex Berg entitled: “Move Over, Gaybros: Masculine Privilege Thrives Among Queer Women Too.” The article speaks about how masculine identified women can be compared to heterosexual males based on their actions, speech, etc.

Thoughts…

Computer Love, Part Deux

Sorry for the late hooray moment, but I did complete my first year of Nursing School back on May 23^rd and celebrated with my awesome Divas at Sisters. I got home at 3:30AM rolled out of bed a hungover mess to make it to school on time for my clinical evaluation. Now I’m on summer break and get to reenergize for my Senior year ahead. Wow time really has flown by…

Any who, back to the subject at hand. Online Dating. I still have two active profiles out there, although I did recently meet an incredibly beautiful, smart, fun woman whom I have had the pleasure of spending time with, in fact tomorrow morning we’re going on an Ice Cream for Breakfast date (can you say excited! I value uniqueness)…but I’ll dish a little more about her later...I have to admit that my original go to site (Curve Personals) is very stale these days. Lesson Learned: A good site doesn’t last forever.

A few months ago I was out at a Meetup group happy hour and overheard two members talking about OK Cupid. Being the curious person I am I signed up, completed my profile, uploaded recent pictures and let the good times roll. The beauty of this site is that it’s free! You can email people and respond to their emails without having to pay a single fee. You can see who has stalked (I mean viewed) your profile and even send out broadcast for folks to meet up with you somewhere local and safe. Another cool feature they have is match questions – the more questions your answer the higher your match potential and it even shows you if this person is a good match for a Lover, Friend, or Enemy. Not sure how 100% valid it is but it’s a fun tool. They have a very active member base which is good. The drawback? Incomplete profiles, profiles without pictures (or just bad blurry, I’m hiding from the FBI pictures), and the nosy male who likes checking out lesbian profiles – although I have just discovered a fix to this. They offer you the option for your profile to only be visible to your fellow Lesbians. This is the site where I met G.I. Jane (yeah that nickname suits her for now).

Last night I was on Facebook’s Our Sista Circle page (by the way, if any Lesbians of Color are seeking an online venue to socialize and connect with other Lesbians of Color please join their website and like their Facebook page. This is for Lesbians of Color ONLY and the admin is very serious about keeping it that way. Respect her house.) and a member asked a question about her Craigslist ad. Now aside from finding a job or an apartment, I highly doubt you are going to find anything of substance in the Craigslist personals. But hey if ratchet/trashy is what you go for then so be it. Here is the text she shared from her Craigslist ad:

“Submitted Question for Advice-- So I am a seasonal CL poster (it is how I tend to meet new women offline) and occasionally I get the "helpful" email stating I am asking for way to much. So I want to know, how do the ladies of Our Sista Circle craft a personal ad. I have been told I am far too honest with what I want and who I am (Me: chocolate brown, natural hair, 5K above poverty money, non-smoker, casual drinker, grad student, non driver, chatty, anxious, selfish, over weight, moody, speed talker looking for a calm non-smoking individual that likes to cuddle and make out, no kids nor desire for kids, will allow me to be a human with moods and emotions and the inconstancies that entails, has a firm grasp on their career and what they want to do with the next ten years, owns or rents a place alone, pays their bills regularly, comfortable with a friend that is a lover approach to a relationship, enjoys giving and taking control, likes to plan and co-plan), too controlling in how much time we spend with each other and the money we invest in each other (Call at least once a day to establish a pattern of being in each other's lives, make an attempt to spend one day a week together, any time spent together is without cell phones, that we do not dive in our savings to treat each other, do not do things we can not afford to do on a regular basis.) tend to over think everything (reiterate anxious) and put the idea of love on a pedestal (love is a seed that must be tended daily in its early stages to grow roots until tending becomes a practice like showering.).

I don't want to bankrupt someone for a night on the town nor have someone try to take my last pennies. I am careless with my own cash and do not need encouragement to bring my bank account to zero (It's there until payday right now.).

I want to have someone to call and listen to my lack luster days and talk about fun/boring/political/random/etc things that strike us. I want someone between 26 and 34 years of age so I don't feel like a baby sitter or a indulged child. If only for the summer.”

Now I’m all for honesty but this ad definitely screams find the nearest exit and run for your life! Please, please, please whatever you do use this as a cautionary tale of things NEVER to put into an online profile or personal ad. I guarantee you’ll be single for the rest of your life.