Every time I go in for my annual pap smear or follow up appointment and the nurse or doctor begins to review my sexual history this song starts to play in my head. Why? Let’s review:
“Are you on birth control?”
“No.”
“Are you using condoms?”
“No.”
“Are you trying to get pregnant?”
“No.”
“Well you are setting yourself up for pregnancy by not taking precautions.”
“I’m not going to get pregnant.”
“What has lead you to believe this?”
“Because I don’t have sex with men.”
“Ever?”
“Never!”
Or my other favorite:
“I need you to pee in this cup.”
“Why?”
“We need to run a pregnancy test.”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“We need to be sure.”
“I am sure. I’m not pregnant.”
“And how can you be sure.”
“Because I’m a Lesbian. My partners aren’t that damn good.”
Women have been getting annual exams for centuries and I am quite sure there was a group of undisclosed Lesbians in there as well. My concern is that in the year 2011, it seems like gynecologist are still stumped about what to do with a Lesbian patient. Like my whooha is somehow in a special category for those that have never had a sperm toting penis shoved up it. “My lovers 8 inch strap on does me just fine. Thank you.” (in my stuck up JAP voice). I have all the same reproductive parts as the hetro-breeder in the exam room next to me, and I am sure I am at risk for about 90% of the same reproductive issues that effect women, regardless of sexual orientation, that she is too. So why the dumbfoundedness just because my lovers name is a feminine pronoun? Or the “I’m not sure what to do with this” blank stare because I have no need to prescribe to the conventional methods of birth control when I am already using the most effective method on the planet - LESBIANISM. My whooha deserves the same reproductive care as the next woman. The only difference is mines is prettier!
“Did you guess which thing was not like the others? Did you guess which thing just doesn’t belong?”
