The Birthday List

Happy Birthday to Me! I must admit turning 27 (yes, I put my age out there. I ain’t scared) is great. I need to do this more often. One thing comes to mind – The List. You know what list I am talking about, the list of things you wanted to do/have by the time you reached a certain age.


MARRIAGE or something like it…I thought I would be “married” by now, but doesn’t every girl? In my early 20’s I was with a woman who wanted to get married complete with ceremony and all the trimmings. I agreed and we planned a beautiful wedding. Too bad we never made it down the aisle.

KIDS tailor made or adopted…I always said I wanted to have or adopt a child by the time I am 28. Well I’m 27 and nowhere near ready to raise a child. Hell I’m still raising my own inner child. I’m thinking more like 30’s is when I will bless my mother with a grandchild (one she says cannot call her Grandma. Go figure!)

CAREER or the diverted path…When I was first in college I wanted to be one thing – an Obstetrician. I fell out of love with the current trends in medicine towards birth and decided to pursue my next career goal – License to be a Bitch aka Juris Doctorate. While taking Sociology courses I decided to take the unknown diverted path. But the train is back on track and I am going to pursue my love medicine and helping others via Nursing and since I still love the Law obtaining my Juris Doctorate is not too far off from my MSN.

HOMEOWNERSHIP or renters game…The house was always going to come with the marriage, the kids and the career. But since everything else is on an extended plan so is the house as SOCIAL SERVICES DOESN’T PAY SHIT! Once I become a Nurse I’m going to get my first home and work my way up to that mansion on the hill.

TATTOOS and other unmentionable things…I always thought I would have my first and possibly second tattoo by now. I’ve had several piercings but the only thing is missing is my tattoo experience. I can’t even say there is a valid excuse as to why I do not have it now but please believe that I will have one by this time next year.

All in all, I have to admit I like where I am in life. I’ve made some mistakes, learned some very valuable lessons, outgrew some friends, and gained some better ones, disregarded my family and bonded with an entirely new one. At 27 I am proud to say simply that LIFE IS GOOD!

Married Women: Forbidden Fruit or Fair Game?

Recently the topic of straight married women who are curious about Lesbianism has come up a lot. And when I say a lot I mean like deep conversations with those I am very close to and a random proposition from a married woman. We’ll discuss that one later.

I have always believed that sexuality is more fluid within in women than in men. I could be wrong, but I think over the course of a woman’s life she is more likely to “flow” from heterosexuality to bisexuality to homosexuality and possible back and forth again until she ultimately finds her true “flow”. Some of us are just born into our true “flow” but we are not the majority. And for this reason we have many married women who feel the need to explore a side of themselves that they felt they needed to keep hidden behind the guise of marriage and children.

Some would argue that married women are off limits, no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. I don’t believe in breaking up a happy home (God & Karma the ultimate conscious team), but if a woman approaches you and it’s clear that she is on her way out and just waiting for the paper work formalities to commence then I say why not entertain the idea. We all got our start somewhere. I know a few Lesbians who actually go after married women. They love the idea of conquering forbidden territory and walking away with a man’s wife and children. My friend “T” is one of those women. When she finds a woman she likes, wedding band or not, she is on it (and her) – literally and figuratively. She has broken up more marriages than Facebook. Her response: “These women [married women] are looking for one of two things: to explore their inner freak for the night, or for a gateway to the other team.” I think she’s just out to pop everyone’s lesbian cherry.

I met Laura at a friend’s pool party. We started talking because her then husband was being a dirty old man and hitting on me. I assured her she had nothing to worry about as I’m a lesbian and have no interest in him (or any other man for that matter). She didn’t seem to care, but was very intrigued. The more we talked the more I got to know about her desire to be with another woman. She said she got married because she was always told it was something she had to do, but she was never satisfied – sexually or emotionally – and therefore was ready for a divorce. We talked and got to know each better over the next few weeks. So the glorious weekend occurs. She calls me one Friday night and says she doesn’t want to be there when her husband returns from his business trip. I told her she could spend the night with me. One night turned into being laid up with her the entire weekend. Everything was going well – that is until her husband shows up on my door step Sunday morning looking for his wife!

One would think that incident has deterred me from engaging with another married woman, but it’s just the opposite. I don’t hunt them down, but I also don’t brush them off either. Like I said before we all got our start somewhere. And as always every situation is different.

Odd Girl Out: Outgrowing People, Places & Mentalities

Sometimes you're better off on your own...

I had an epiphany recently. It just came out of nowhere, as they tend to do for me, I just accept them as they come – no questions asked – but this particular epiphany had me seeking confirmation and clarity before fully embracing it. About a week or so ago I posted a random question to my Facebook page: “I know you can outgrow friends, but is it possible to outgrow family members too?” The general consensus was YES. But it led me to evaluate other aspects of my life.

People: Ever get the feeling that you don’t want to be around your own family? Like certain dynamics that were once tolerable and maybe even acceptable to a degree make you question how you can be related to someone who acts/thinks that way. My aunts have a habit of waiting until the 11^th hour to plan something and get things organized. Before it was I guess okay to scramble around at the last minute because the end result would be a fun filled event for the entire family, but now I refuse to plan or be a part of ANYTHING they want to plan. I don’t even stick around when they are all together, and they were some of my favorite people to hang around but now when they are here I say my Hi’s” and then say my “Goodbye’s” and head off to do my own thing.

At some point or another, we outgrow our friends and it’s usually do to lifestyle changes i.e. marriage, kids, moving to a new city for a job. The moment I realized I had outgrown my family is the moment I also realized that I have outgrown most of my friends. Facebook is a great way to keep up and in touch with your friends during the week, but if you notice that over the course of a year that you have not had one face to face interaction with a Friend who resides in the same City or a neighboring State, then how can you really consider them to be a friend? Or if you invite them to parties or outings and they never show or never want to go, are they then still a friend? My answer is NO! Facebook is an avenue, not an end all.

Places: I can honestly say that I outgrew the Club scene before I was legal enough to indulge in it. I lived my 20’s in my Teens so the Club scene does not appeal to me. Occasionally, I’ll go to the Lesbian Bar for karaoke and their amazing drink special ($10 = 8 drink tickets, and a bar packed with Lesbians, Gay Boys, and Drag Queens. Oh what a night!) and to dance to some of my favorite tunes. Other than that, a night out for me consist of a happy hour with my girls at some cool lounge or restaurant, attending a live Jazz or Neo-Soul concert, or hitting up Jolly’s Dueling Piano Bar. These are classy places that never go out of style.

Mentalities: Once upon a time, I was the kind of girl who would never date two people at the same time. I was a diehard monogamist from beginning to end. The idea of juggling more than one woman was too complex for me. Now (and you have my Ex to thank – or not - for this one) I still believe in monogamy but I’m also open to dating more than one person at a time. I know what I want, and I’m wise enough to know that not every woman is going to or is capable of giving me what I want. People want different things in their lives, and that’s okay. I have my Dream Girl in mind and should she come my way I will gladly shut all others down and focus on her entirely, but until then casual dating is where it’s at for me. Another mentality I held onto, and I didn’t realize it until a month ago, was the idea of being a single parent. I don’t need a partner or the picture perfect life to raise a child, and in fact I will be adopting one and possibly giving birth to one on my own.

Life is about changes, and with changes comes some gains and losses. I believe the trust test of friendship or familialship (no it’s not a word so don’t try to win scrabble with it) is those who are by your side no matter how many changes you or they may go through.