I Love Stems!

It’s like my prayers have been answered, or better yet there is finally a term for the kind of lesbian that makes my heart skip a beat and leaves me mesmerized every time I encounter one – Stems! If you’re not familiar with the term, a Stem is check out this video:

Amber’s got it! A Stem would be the perfect match for me. See I’m a self-admitted control freak, who likes a woman with a dominate personality. A woman who is more of a Girly Girl than me just won’t work, yet a woman who is too masculine is a turn off. I’ve found my Nirvana and I’m so glad I did.

 
What are your thoughts on Stems?

The Miseducation of Straight Black Women

I really don’t know where to begin with this one because I think I’m still in shock that I could be so blind or think things would be I guess different, or because I just can’t believe that a certain subset of Black women could be so damn ignorant and hateful.

I’m very pro interracial relationships, specifically Black Women White Men unions. I’ve always thought that Black women should stop limiting themselves to finding an IBM (Ideal Black Man) that in reality was not available. For decades, the Anti-Miscegenation Laws kept many interracial couples apart or in hiding. So when I see or hear of them entering interracial unions with White Men I support and applaud them in their efforts. Robert and Grace De Niro are my favorite couple.

I follow a pro BW/WM page on Facebook, and I was member of a group for women who were either mixed with Black or had BW/WM relationships and/or children who were the product of that union. It was different for me because the only groups on Facebook I’ve been a part of were Lesbian or had to do with performing arts and food. The group was cool. I shared stories and experiences with plenty of the women about having a White Mother. And I was open about being a Lesbian and my desire to conceive via AI. Not an issue…or so I thought.

I guess when Florida passed the marriage act, one of the members decided to post a question asking if anyone thought the current fight for the right to marry was similar to the fight that interracial couples used to have for marriage. I don’t believe they are similar at all, considering that I could never been thrown in jail or banned from a State simply because I’m a Lesbian or engaged in PDA with my partner in public. There absolutely no laws on the books that warrant this punishment. The Anti-Miscegenation laws specifically warranted prison time and banishment from the State if you were even suspected of having an interracial relationship. Now that does not mean that either group has not had/still face its share of discrimination.

As others chimed in on the discussion it became clear that these women were showing their true colors. I don’t know how or why but it went from discussing interracial relationships, to bashing the Gay and Lesbian community for thinking that the current fight for the right to marry is the same as African-American’s fight for civil rights.

“When gay people are enslaved for 400 years then they can talk about civil rights…”

“I don’t agree with the whole gay thing…”

“Gay people live in fear? Of what? What do they have to fear?...”

All this and more coming from Black women who bore children who face discrimination and threats on a daily basis due to them being of mixed race. Women who are openly in interracial relationships and have stated that their own families and even friends have disowned them because of who they choose to love.

I am well aware that there are homophobic and hateful people in every ethnic group, in every part of the world. But what I don’t get is you’re in a union that is not very supported in this country, yet you’re so quick to throw stones of hate and discrimination at another group. FYI: they will burn a cross on my porch for being a Lesbian but they’ll also burn one on yours for sleeping with a White Man and having mixed babies.

Clearly, I’m no longer a member of that group but my eyes are wide open to straight Black women and their homophobia…

My Mother, Myself: The Fallout

Happy 2015! I rang in the new year with one of my cousins at home and it was a good evening because she finally got me to watch that show all my friends have been raving about – Orange Is The New Black. I’m only on Season 1, Episode 5 but thus far I’m liking it. It’s no L Word…and truth be told, could never be…but it’s filling a Lesbian series void that the L Word series has left us with.

Yesterday I sent my Mother a text message proposing that next NYE we spend it together in Las Vegas. I thought it would be great because we have no spent a single holiday together for as long as I can remember. So for once, instead of her being with my stepdads family she could spend time with her own child. Her response: “I would but it will cause all kinds of problems between your stepfather and me.” I lost it! And thus our texting war ensued.

My stepdad is a selfish, controlling, mental, asshole. He’s a great pretender in front of his colleagues and anyone else he may need to impress but he hates my mother’s family and yeah that includes me too. Whenever my Mother and I are in Pittsburgh visiting family, he catches an attitude from the time she books her flight until the day she returns. He calls her none stop to the point where my Mother has had to lie to me about needing to take business calls because it was actually him calling and she knew I’d stand up to him. Yet when she’s away with him and his family, God forbid I or some other family need her and he gives her hell over taking a call or responding to a text message.

I can’t take another year of this madness. I told my Mother I was done being respectful, done getting the blunt end of all of this. Like, what am I supposed to tell her grandchild? Oh I’m sorry your grandmother is married to some sick, controlling, bastard who would rather keep her under his thumb than allow her to get on a plan and come see you. I can’t live my life like that anymore. So for once, right or wrong, I’ve taken a stand…