Match.com & My Impromptu Valentine

Like Valentine’s Day of 2014, I had no real plans for this holiday. I knew I wanted to go out and at least see The Wedding Ringer as I have been dying to see it since it came out in January. My family is still mourning the death of my Grandmother so things are still bittersweet for us, especially my Mother. Speaking of my Mother, I got her a wonderful keepsake this year. The woman has everything, and I mean everything so she is impossible to shop for! I decided give her something she could have forever – a Build a Bear. After work I headed over to the store and built her gift. It was a fun yet enlightening experience. I still do not understand why a bear needs satin panties (don’t worry I refused to buy them) or why the clothes cost just as much as an outfit for a child at Gymboree but it was for my Mother so I indulged a little. I can certainly see why kids love this place but I won’t be throwing birthday parties there. In fact, I was telling two friends that if my kid wanted one they could play with my Mother’s…or bait her into taking them to the store. 

Match.com. The site I have been skeptical about using for years. Why? Because they’re forever changing the structure – making it less user friendly, in my opinion, they try to nickel and dime you for EVERYTHING, and their matching systems really suck. Basically, Match is one of those sites where you need to do the extensive leg work and not rely on the so called Match’s they send to your inbox or select as your Daily Match – they’re usually inactive members who really don’t meet your criteria. I’ve had a “blank” Match profile for quite some time now but about two weeks ago I decided to actually complete my profile, upload pictures, and subscribe. Yes, I have a paid three month subscription to Match. I promised myself that I’d dive in and see what develops – whether I make a bunch of new friends or I find someone to date. ***Quick Side Note: Tangowire aka Curve Personals has been sold to some British company that has completely gutted the site and it’s a mess! Avoid them. That used to be my online dating go to, now it’s the site to run from.***

After about a week of being active, I start corresponding with a woman who resides in my hometown. She’s older and identifies as a Stem. Lot’s in common especially our love for the great women of music. During one of our conversations on Valentine’s Day, she asks me what my plans were. I told her I’m finishing up homework for an online course and then if it stops snowing I’m going to head to the movies to see The Wedding Ringer. Out of the blue she asks me if she could join me. Not thinking much of it, I told her the choice was hers. I told her which theater I was going to and what time the movie started. If she showed up okay, if not it’s still okay. This changed my dressing plans as I wasn’t planning on going out in no more than jeans, short sleeved tee, and snow boots. Meeting someone for the first time ups the ante. I dressed how one dresses for a casual date – skinny jeans, knee boots, designer top, jewelry, makeup, clutch. 

The entire time I was heading over to the theater she was texting me about how nervous she was yet excited to see me, how she had already secured our tickets so not to worry about them. I laughed because I wasn’t the least bit nervous. Usually when you’re meeting someone for the first time there is some nervousness. Not me. See my objective was to go with the flow because either way I would have met a new friend or a new woman to begin dating. I’m truly in no rush to get into a long term relationship; I believe it should happen naturally. We meet. Immediately conversation flows naturally. One thing I notice about her, something I am not used to (and not in a good way either), is her manners. She offered to hold and carry things for me, open doors, and we had a little show down at the concession counter because we both wanted to pay for things. I’m not used to this! My friend Z once said I’m, very feminine and girly, yet I have a dominate personality. She’s right. 

The movie was hilarious! I love Kevin Hart movies. After the movie she asked me if it would be okay if she took me to dinner at a nearby restaurant. I agreed, I was having so much fun with her. Until we got to the front doors of the theater and saw a major blizzard happening. We decided a rain check on dinner was appropriate then helped each other clean off our cars before heading home. So far all is going well. No expectations, no assumptions.

 
She’s taking me out to a Jazz Café and performance on Thursday night…

My Mother, Myself: R.I.P Grandma

January 26, 2015 at 8:36 PM my phone rang. It was my Mother. I was still angry with her, I really didn’t want to talk to her, and I think she knew it. She said “we need to talk but more importantly I need you to listen…” I thought I was in for a lecture on her defending my stepdad or how she’s the Mother and I don’t have to like her choices but I do have to respect her. Nope. Not even close. At 5PM my grandmother had taken her final breath. She was in her home, with her hospice nurse. I was devastated. We just celebrated her 92^nd birthday back in September and outside of that I talked to her once per week. Since our family is so spread out my Mother told me that her funeral would be Sunday so I needed to make arrangements to be in Pittsburgh no later than Saturday. 

I began my journey to Pittsburgh on Saturday morning. Like any other trip I have taken before this one, I was excited to see my Mother, her older sister and my cousin. This trip I’d also get to see my Mother’s middle sister, younger brother, and their children. We normally do not see them because we book our trips at different times during the year (and in a minute you’ll understand why I’m truly glad that we did). I arrived at the hotel we always stay at which is next door to my Grandmother’s condo. Normally, I’d run up to the suite Mom and I would share, shower, and run across the terrace to spend some time with my Grandmother before our traditional family dinner. Reality set in, I’d never be able to do that again. She’s really gone. 

That evening we all had dinner at my aunt’s house and it was interesting. My Mother’s  older and middle sister and uncle interacted with me and of course I got to have some fun dinner time conversations with my cousin. The others, not so much. In fact, that’s where the shade began. If I never understood anything about my Mother’s family before, I certainly saw things that left my eyes wide open during my two night stay. One thing I can say about me is that if I pick up on bad vibes from you, I distance myself. The shade, vibes, and even looks continued well into my Grandmother’s funeral. By then I wanted nothing to do with anyone so I refused to attend the repass at my aunt’s home, instead staying back at the hotel so that I could rest. I told my Mother I was coming down with a migraine and needed to be alone. She understood. 

When my Mother returned to our suite I sat her down and I apologized to her. I apologized for being so hard on her and promised I’d try to be more understanding of her situation. She held me and we watched movies, ordered pizza and wings, and drank wine all night. It was the perfect cloud in the middle of the storm we were in. Weddings and funerals seem to be the only time people get to see their entire family…but it’s also the time you get to see their true colors as well…