Yours, Mines, Ours: Open Relationships

Dating and relating provides you with many interesting perspectives, and with my newfound mentality on the two I have been presented with different aspects of love and relationships. One of them is the idea of an open relationship. If you’re not familiar with open relationships or the more politically correct term Polyamory. Urban Dictionary (because sometimes Webster is too ummmm sterile) defines Polyamory as the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Simple enough, right? Let’s see, shall we…

I’ve always been a serial monogamist – dating with no real breaks in between relationships – until now where I find myself single (and loving it!) with no real desire to get into a long term serious relationship any time soon (if ever again). The idea of an open marriage never sat well with me, I mean c’mon we’re married for a reason and I doubt one of those reasons was for us to be with other people, but the idea of an open relationship (no marriage intended) is something I believe I can live with.

Some may say it’s cheating or feel as though they are cheating on their current partner and I guess I can see that side of it too, but then again there is that thing called mutual consent so if you tell someone you’re okay with them dating someone else, but you’re really not then you’re setting yourself up for heartache. Don’t agree to something you are not comfortable with under the guise of trying to hold onto to someone who probably isn’t worth holding onto anyway.  Another argument is how many is how many people are too many, and do you have sex with all of them or some of them? For me, seeing one or two people outside of my relationship is plenty and sexual relations progress differently from person to person, relationship to relationship. Just keep it clean and fun.

Jealousy? It’s human nature, even when you’re in a serious committed relationship or marriage jealousy will rear its ugly head. She looked at them too long, She was flirting with them all night, She dresses sexy to get attention, She spends more time with her poly lover, She does things with her poly lover that she would never do with me, She seems closer to her poly than She does to me. It’s all too common. But it’s how you deal with it that determines the success or demise of the entire relationship.

In my serial monogamy days, I’d give my all in the relationship with the expectation of reciprocity, only to have my girlfriend fall short and leave me subconsciously wishing that I was seeing someone else, or leave me cursing myself for not being the type of woman who cheats (that mentality may change too, jury is still out deliberating). Basically, the whole letdown of my previous disappointments could have been better alleviated if I was seeing another person (or two) at the same time.

They say what one woman won’t do, another surely will so (being completely selfish here, but I don’t give a fuck!) if this statement is true, out of the women I would be dating I am bound to get what I want from one or all of them. And when I am ready to settle down, I won’t feel like I’ve missed out on something (more like someone) by putting all of my eggs in one basket hoping to hatch some chickies.

Is an open relationship for you?...

The Bisexual Game

Whether you’ve been one or been with one, all Lesbians have had experiences with bisexuals. I, personally, have nothing against Bisexual women. Some people who are very close to me identify as Bisexual, and I love them regardless. However, within the Lesbian community Bisexuals have a bad rap. They say one bad apple spoils the bunch, well a subculture of the Bisexual community has given them all a bad name.

I Kissed a Girl…But I Was Drunk We’ve all heard the stories of drunken college girls who make out and have sex with each other, and more recently make Girl Gone Wildish YouTube videos. Are these women really Bisexuals? I highly doubt it. More like these women are doing so just to please or attract more attention from men thus the huge influx of women identifying as such in order to seem more appealing to the male species.

I Love Sex with Women…But Can My Boyfriend/Husband Join/Watch? These are the women I like to label as the “Hidden Agenda Chick”. You meet and she seems like a good dating match…that is until she tells you she is in a relationship with a male or married to one. Run for the hills and run fast! Do NOT pass go and fuck the $200.00. Never believe a woman when she says “Don’t worry. I have no plans on involving him. This is just between us girls.” Bullshit! A request for a threesome or voyeur experience always is sure to follow.

Buy Me Something…And I’ll Get Sexual The phrase pretty much says it all. This is typically from your equal opportunity wannabe Sugar Babies who spread their legs for whichever Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma provides the most Bling. She’s not Bisexual, just a freak for material gain. She’s a great pretender so beware as I would hate to see you get caught up.

Here’s my two cents on the situation. I’ve never been a Bisexual, I’ve always been a Lesbian (Gold Star Baby in my Austin Powers voice) but I do believe there are women out there who are True Bisexuals. I have no problem dating a Bisexual, BUT I will not have a relationship with one. Why? I don’t want to settle down with someone who can easily absolve themselves from issues and struggles of the Gay and Lesbian community.