Yours, Mines, Ours: Open Relationships

Dating and relating provides you with many interesting perspectives, and with my newfound mentality on the two I have been presented with different aspects of love and relationships. One of them is the idea of an open relationship. If you’re not familiar with open relationships or the more politically correct term Polyamory. Urban Dictionary (because sometimes Webster is too ummmm sterile) defines Polyamory as the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Simple enough, right? Let’s see, shall we…

I’ve always been a serial monogamist – dating with no real breaks in between relationships – until now where I find myself single (and loving it!) with no real desire to get into a long term serious relationship any time soon (if ever again). The idea of an open marriage never sat well with me, I mean c’mon we’re married for a reason and I doubt one of those reasons was for us to be with other people, but the idea of an open relationship (no marriage intended) is something I believe I can live with.

Some may say it’s cheating or feel as though they are cheating on their current partner and I guess I can see that side of it too, but then again there is that thing called mutual consent so if you tell someone you’re okay with them dating someone else, but you’re really not then you’re setting yourself up for heartache. Don’t agree to something you are not comfortable with under the guise of trying to hold onto to someone who probably isn’t worth holding onto anyway.  Another argument is how many is how many people are too many, and do you have sex with all of them or some of them? For me, seeing one or two people outside of my relationship is plenty and sexual relations progress differently from person to person, relationship to relationship. Just keep it clean and fun.

Jealousy? It’s human nature, even when you’re in a serious committed relationship or marriage jealousy will rear its ugly head. She looked at them too long, She was flirting with them all night, She dresses sexy to get attention, She spends more time with her poly lover, She does things with her poly lover that she would never do with me, She seems closer to her poly than She does to me. It’s all too common. But it’s how you deal with it that determines the success or demise of the entire relationship.

In my serial monogamy days, I’d give my all in the relationship with the expectation of reciprocity, only to have my girlfriend fall short and leave me subconsciously wishing that I was seeing someone else, or leave me cursing myself for not being the type of woman who cheats (that mentality may change too, jury is still out deliberating). Basically, the whole letdown of my previous disappointments could have been better alleviated if I was seeing another person (or two) at the same time.

They say what one woman won’t do, another surely will so (being completely selfish here, but I don’t give a fuck!) if this statement is true, out of the women I would be dating I am bound to get what I want from one or all of them. And when I am ready to settle down, I won’t feel like I’ve missed out on something (more like someone) by putting all of my eggs in one basket hoping to hatch some chickies.

Is an open relationship for you?...