Is You Is, Is You Ain't?

I was having a very intriguing conversation with a friend about a week ago regarding relationships. We were discussing our past relationships and the effects they have had on us, making us change our views and ways of thinking and interacting with the women we may entertain on dates. If you know me, then you are familiar with my famous statement: “I’m not ready for a relationship!”

But my friend made a very thought provoking statement: No one is ever really ready for a relationship.

The more I think about it, the more I find it hard to disagree with her. What makes you “ready” for a relationship? Some may say that if your heart is open and free – although here is another question within a question, when is your heart truly free? – you can establish a relationship. While others may say that only you know when you are ready for a relationship. But do you follow your heart or your mind? Do you listen have a certain feeling inside? Is lust enough?

Before I abandoned my old ways of thinking, having sex used to signify the beginning of a relationship for me. Sex was viewed as something to be done with someone you are having a monogamous relationship and therefore having sex with a woman I was dating meant we were no longer casual but now exclusive. Because if I was ready to have sex with you, then I was ready to be with only you. Sex no longer has that definition or distinction in my life.

If we are going to go on “feelings” alone to be the catalyst for being ready for a relationship, then I don’t have any. Let me clarify: I have absolutely no “lovey” feelings for the women I go out with. I don’t love them, I don’t hate them, I like spending time with them but that’s all I can. I don’t envision a life with them nor do I have the desire to see them exclusively. Again, I like spending time with them. Nothing more, nothing less. Am I emotionally void? I don’t think so. “When the right person comes along you’ll have all of those cliché lovey dovey feelings inside” Thanks Grandma!

I’ve been told that relationships just happen on their own; it’s something you just fall into without knowledge. I can go with that as I have had a relationship that began that way before. I guess the ultimate factor is what a relationships means to you and maybe use that as an assessment of whether you are ready for a relationship. For most, a relationship is a foundation for marriage or a long term commitment, so having their educational and career on track or out of the way is ideal and makes them relationship ready. But when you’re constantly furthering your education and making career changes, do you put off finding your true love until you feel you have accomplished your dreams?

My answer is this: When you stopping looking for something that’s when things appear. I have learned that the more you trying to search for that one perfect ideal, the more you will feel like you are looking for something that does not exist.

“…Let what you need find you…”