A Lesson In REAL LOVE

Life is way too short, and the recent loss of one of my Mother’s has proven that (and so much more) to me. It has also brought me to another epiphany in my life – What is REAL LOVE and who the REAL LOVES OF MY LIFE really are.

My Mother’s spirit left her beautiful earthly body on Halloween night (now I won’t ever celebrate Halloween the same again). The pain, so intense yet utterly indescribable, has taught me a lot about the feeling we call love and pain too. See before now, the only pain I considered that was of this magnitude was the pain of a broken heart. My ex was the only woman I had a relationship with that I had fallen completely head over heels in love with. I had a love for my previous girlfriends, but it was nothing like the inhibition and freedom I gave of myself in that relationship with my ex.

When my ex decided to leave I went through the entire gamete of emotions – cried out sleepless nights, utter confusion, disappointment, depression, you name it I felt it. The entire thing came out of nowhere and my heart shattered. I thought I had felt the ultimate pain from love lost…that is until 10/30/2011. I was talking to my Mother’s best friend when he informed me she was back in the hospital and it wasn’t good. I got scared, my heart started to race, I got anxious, I couldn’t sit still, I was in denial (she’ll pull through, she pulled through this summer but I’ll be on a plane the day she is scheduled to come home so I can be with her)…and then came the phone call…”She has an infection and they can’t operate because she may not survive it, and there is nothing they can do other than make her comfortable. They don’t think she’ll make it through the night.”

I prayed to God, asking him to give us more time. It reminded me of the way I prayed to God asking him to save my relationship with my ex. On 10/31/2011 at 10:05 PM my Mother passed. I couldn’t breathe, I cried, I screamed, I felt helpless, lost, confused. My air supply has just been taken away from me and no matter how hard I cried I couldn’t get her back. It’s crazy how I used to think of my ex along similar lines.

Today is a little better for me. I was able to sleep, and thanks to my Mother’s best friend I was able to laugh about her and segments of her life. I had a conversation with my Mother (Deb) in which my current epiphany was born: My ex hurting me is NOTHING compared to losing one of my Mothers’. This kind of love and pain supersedes all others. No woman will EVER be able to break my heart the way losing a Mother has. And I will NEVER give any woman that much power or energy. I know what real love is, and who the real loves of my life really are – Deb & Marnie, thank you for showing me the meaning of LOVE…