I’m doing the dating thing here and there, have yet to come
across anyone worth my free time -
what
little free time I do have these days…Memo to Self: Next time you want to
change careers have as much fun as possible before hand – but one question
or statement seems to be common from women I’ve corresponded with, or random
people I have encountered for one reason or another:
How many kids do you have?
Ummmm. I don’t have any children.
I mean don’t get me wrong. I love (GOOD) kids and will be
conceiving one via donor in the future. But the question was not DO YOU have
kids, it was HOW MANY kids do you have. Why the assumption?!? Me being the inquisitive
woman I am began to ask my inquirers:
What makes you think
I have children?
The common theme of the numerous answers I have received:
“Most Black women in your age group, and who also identify
as Lesbian usually have 2 or more children from a previous heterosexual
relationship…”
I had to think about that, but I have to admit IT’S TRUE! Even
a fellow Blogger
DIARY OF A BLACK LESBIAN has touched on the subject via one of
her post. Now before some of you get your panties in a knot, I’m not knocking
those who have children via a heterosexual relationship. BUT the fact is a lot
of African-American Lesbian do fall into that group.
I am not a statistic and I am proud not to be. Women were my
first love and will always be my only love. So now when I’m confronted with the
How Many Kiddies questions I just simply laugh. Will I date a woman with a
child(ren)? It really depends on the woman, and the situation. In the past I
have, but it did not last long or go far.
Does it annoy you when people assume that you have kids?
Have you ever dated a woman with kids? Would you ever do it
again?
It doesn't annoy me when people assume I have kids but it does annoy me when people ASSUME that everyone wants kids or that I will change my mind about not wanting kids.
ReplyDeleteBefore I reached middle school, I had it planned out that on my 18th birthday I was going to be sterilized. Of course I didn't realize at the time that very few doctors will sterilize a woman that doesn't have children AND I also didn't realize I was a lesbian.
Anyway, I've never dated a woman with kids and I don't envision myself doing so UNLESS she has older children (15+).
Wow! You were not playing. Like most women, I always wanted a child or two. I've gone back and forth in my mind plenty of times about having them versus adopting and have setlled on the idea of giving birth to one, adopting the other.
ReplyDeleteIt was always a mystery to me why women or people would ask me if I had kids. At first I took at a compliment meaning they thought I was great with kids - BUT there were no kids around so how could they judge. I'm glad I finally asked a few people and now that I know the answer I'm starting to see what they're saying. It's rare that I would come across an African-American lesbian, in the 18-35 age groups who do not have children from a previous heterosexual relationship.