My Mother, Myself: R.I.P Grandma

January 26, 2015 at 8:36 PM my phone rang. It was my Mother. I was still angry with her, I really didn’t want to talk to her, and I think she knew it. She said “we need to talk but more importantly I need you to listen…” I thought I was in for a lecture on her defending my stepdad or how she’s the Mother and I don’t have to like her choices but I do have to respect her. Nope. Not even close. At 5PM my grandmother had taken her final breath. She was in her home, with her hospice nurse. I was devastated. We just celebrated her 92^nd birthday back in September and outside of that I talked to her once per week. Since our family is so spread out my Mother told me that her funeral would be Sunday so I needed to make arrangements to be in Pittsburgh no later than Saturday. 

I began my journey to Pittsburgh on Saturday morning. Like any other trip I have taken before this one, I was excited to see my Mother, her older sister and my cousin. This trip I’d also get to see my Mother’s middle sister, younger brother, and their children. We normally do not see them because we book our trips at different times during the year (and in a minute you’ll understand why I’m truly glad that we did). I arrived at the hotel we always stay at which is next door to my Grandmother’s condo. Normally, I’d run up to the suite Mom and I would share, shower, and run across the terrace to spend some time with my Grandmother before our traditional family dinner. Reality set in, I’d never be able to do that again. She’s really gone. 

That evening we all had dinner at my aunt’s house and it was interesting. My Mother’s  older and middle sister and uncle interacted with me and of course I got to have some fun dinner time conversations with my cousin. The others, not so much. In fact, that’s where the shade began. If I never understood anything about my Mother’s family before, I certainly saw things that left my eyes wide open during my two night stay. One thing I can say about me is that if I pick up on bad vibes from you, I distance myself. The shade, vibes, and even looks continued well into my Grandmother’s funeral. By then I wanted nothing to do with anyone so I refused to attend the repass at my aunt’s home, instead staying back at the hotel so that I could rest. I told my Mother I was coming down with a migraine and needed to be alone. She understood. 

When my Mother returned to our suite I sat her down and I apologized to her. I apologized for being so hard on her and promised I’d try to be more understanding of her situation. She held me and we watched movies, ordered pizza and wings, and drank wine all night. It was the perfect cloud in the middle of the storm we were in. Weddings and funerals seem to be the only time people get to see their entire family…but it’s also the time you get to see their true colors as well…