The Same Difference: Addressing The Problem within the African-American Lesbian Community

There has always been this constant turmoil, tension, and discrimination within the African-American Lesbian community and finally someone has brought this shit to the light with The Same Difference Documentary. As I have mentioned before, somewhere along the lines some group of Lesbians within the community decided that there should be rules about how African-American Lesbians date, have relationships, and present themselves. 

If African-American Lesbians are going to date/have a relationship then one must always be masculine identified (Stud) and the other must always be feminine identified (Femme).  There is a strong emphasis on heteronormative pairings, right on down who is allowed to do what in terms of household chores, paying for dates, opening doors, etc. These ridged pairing rules have poisoned the minds of young and older Lesbians, so much to the point that if two masculine or two feminine Lesbians decide to go against the grain and have a relationship they are ridiculed and outcast within the African-American Lesbian community. They are subject to harsh criticism and even in some cases violence. 

African-American Lesbians have this strong holding to labels and there are only two you can choose from: Stud or Femme. There’s no in between or room for any variations. If you identify as Stud you’re only allowed to rock locs or low cut Caesar, you cannot wear makeup, hair extensions or anything that is deemed girly. If you identify as Femme you’re supposed to wear makeup, heels, extensions or have flowing hair, you’re expected to wear more form fitting feminine attire. There is such an emphasis on clothing and outer appearance that Lesbians who dress outside of the box are told they’re not real Stud’s or real Femme’s. A good example is one of my favorite performers King Kellz. She’s a Stud but she wears extensions, and wears makeup during her performances. Just the fact that she wears extensions, she is ridiculed by the African-American Lesbian community because she is not their definition of a real Stud. There are Femmes who like to wear snapbacks or fitted’s, baggy jeans along with their makeup yet they are told that Femme’s don’t dress like that. God forbid you refuse to choose a style; you are ridiculed even more and may even be labeled as confused. 

And my favorite one of them all (not really but it’s one of my favorite debates because I love to shut ignorant people down), the notion that a Stud - who still happens to be a woman with all her womanly parts – is not allowed to have a baby. That’s right, we are that damn ignorant and stupid to give shit to other women for doing what God has given them the gift to do all because we are too stupid to look beyond the clothes and attitude to understand that the clothes don’t make the woman. She still gets her period every month, she still has breast which will enable her to breastfeed if she chooses, she can still wear whatever she wants and sport a baby bump. In the movie, a Stud was carrying a baby because her wife was unable to do so. A 27 year old ignorant child was hating on her because of her decision to carry their child. The pure ignorance and hate that was coming from this child was unbelievable. When did she get the right is it to tell a woman what she can do with her body? When did she get the right to be all up in their business? Who cares how this woman got pregnant? The fact that this child only believes that pregnancy can occur via sexual intercourse with a male just proves how uneducated and ignorant the younger generation of Lesbians are. 

I’m a Lesbian, always have been, always will be. Many would classify me as Femme, I say I’m Femme but I also have my Tomboyish ways. I like heels and makeup, but I will happily rock a fitted, jeans, and oversized tee or hoodie with no makeup on. I want to have a child but I also have a partner who would happily carry a baby for me if I could not, and she is more masculine than I am. I am comfortable with who I am, but I have been one of those women that African-American Lesbians just don’t know how to take. I like feminine women, I also like women who are on the more Tomboy end of the spectrum but women who are (in my opinion) too masculine aren’t my cup of tea. And that’s okay. We all have or preferences and differences, so let’s stop the hatred and discrimination. We have one thing in common – we all love women. Nothing more, nothing less.