Relax, It's Just Sex: Swingers & Adult Playgrounds

Admit it. You’ve thought about it and may have even tried it, or maybe you just feed off the energy from watching it. I’m talking about swingers and adult playgrounds, or sex clubs as many like to call them. I’m a sexually open person, I’ve had threesomes with a partner, been propositioned by couples (lesbian and straight) during my singlehood, and think bondage can be an amazing thing. But there is one world I have only participated in as an observer.

Swingers: also known as partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship or singles engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.

This lifestyle or activity is not without negative connotations. Many critics or uptight prudes infer that swinging is the cause for the high level of STDs, infidelity, and devious behaviors in the world. But truth be told, Swingers are the first ones to ask for diagnostic laboratory paperwork (how many of you ask to see them papers? Right), use all forms of protection, there’s no such thing as cheating because it’s all consensual, and the so called “devious behavior” they refer to falls under BDSM which is a whole other lifestyle and is not exclusive to swinging.

I learned a lot from swinging couples during my visits to adult playgrounds (we’ll talk about that those places soon). They have rules and they are very strict about them being respected. They include who’s allowed to touch, penetrate, or engage with whom, and what kind of sex they’re allowed to engage in. Many of these couples are professionals, they have careers, children, and are respected within in their communities but they prefer to keep their sexual lives private. Which brings me to adult playgrounds aka sex clubs.

Adult Playgrounds are members only clubs where couples and swingers can celebrate and engage in the swinger lifestyle. These clubs host weekly events which require members to either RSVP or purchase tickets to attend. From what I’ve been told by a few couples, they like using this venue for their swing play because they don’t want that energy in their home. I can understand and respect that, in fact I like that way of thinking. The two clubs I’ve been to (yes, I said two!) have very strict rules about allowing single men to join and attend events. From what I’ve heard other clubs do not allow single men to join or attend events ever. Here are some rules common at every club:

1. Cell Phones, Cameras or any recording devices are not allowed into the club or the  parking lot
2. NO sweat suits, jog pants, baseball caps, sports attire, sneakers, work boots, flannel shirts or T-Shirts. You are attending an upscale event, please dress for it!
3. NO TOUCHING WITHOUT ASKING!

Adult Playgrounds are a very high sexual energy experience. As I said, I’ve only observed. I love the sexual energy on the dance floor and being a voyeur while peeking into a few rooms.

If this post has sparked a new curiosity I highly suggest checking out a few websites for the clubs you’d like to attend. Remember they don’t give tours. You either walk in as a member or remain forever curious.

If you’re in the Philly, Jersey, DC area swing by these websites. You can thank me later. 

The Pleasure Garden (Philadelphia)
Role Play (Atlantic City, NJ)
The Crucible (Washington, DC)

And for the swingers ready for a destination adventure there's Hedonism II

 

Women to Watch

Originally this post was supposed to be a showcase of other Lesbian Bloggers but no one submitted their sites so the post must go on. There are a few women who I feel deserve special recognition for their hard work and dedication to their crafts. 

Nandi Tahir of Three Little Birds Tees, in a society where African-American women are struggling to be recognized as an icon of beauty, Nandi has created an entire line of t-shirts dedicated to empowering African-American women. I own several of her tees, my favorite is the Black is Beautiful tee featured. In addition to tees Nandi has 100% authentic African earrings. Nandi is always coming up with new designs so please follow TLB on Facebook and purchase her inspirational tees. This is one purchase you won’t regret. FYI: if you’re local to the Philadelphia area visit her showroom located on 202 Long Lane, Upper Darby, PA

Teroya of Lady Bugs Forever, I’m all about empowering young women especially when there are so many negative examples out there. Teroya is a dear friend, mentor, and inspiration of mine so when she told me she was moving forward with her dream and vision of a non-profit organization to support and empower young women I knew glitter and gold were in the near future. Ladybugs Forever holds dear “the understanding that all young ladies want to feel welcome and wanted. We will give them a place to go forever and always. We will offer continuing career counseling into adulthood. Finding out what each member desires individually, and allowing them to express their goals to their peers and community. Keeping all parents of our members connected with what their daughter holds dear. Honoring the expressed wishes of parents to ensure their trust remains positive. Showing each member how to structure their own goals and follow them in accordance with what they expect for themselves. Closing the communication gaps within home and community by allowing each member to speak freely. Knowing that there may be incidents where our members could express things that are serious in nature, and assisting their family in dealing with that by proper referral. Helping to remind our members that with a positive, respectful approach you can relay any and all feelings properly.” Ladybugs Forever will be expanding with dreams of going nationwide. Donate and support the dream. 

Lesbian Love Advice/Lesbian LoveAdvice Singles, there are thousands of pages for lesbians on Facebook but LLA/LLA Singles are a cut above the rest. Two of the admins are my favorite, they asks relevant questions about dating and relationships, and post members questions for advice. Some admins keep it more interesting than others, but if you’re looking for a good Facebook distraction LLA/LLA Singles is the place to be.

Know other inspirational women we should be watching? Are you a Lesbian blogger with a blog you’d like to share? Submit the info via email at ContactLesbianInTheCity@gmail.com

Shit Lesbians Say, Do & Why Being Single Is A Plus

No this is not some April Fools post (I stopped that b.s. when I was in middle school…and hopefully so did every other grown ass woman) what you’re about to see and read are things I could not make up if you paid me (and trust, my imagination is very wild).

Let’s start here: 

I used to love the Between Women series (Team Winney & Gabby!) and this video, no matter how many times I see it, cracks me the hell up. Why? Because it’s so sad, yet so true! 

Games: As Keith told Shante in Two Can Play That Game: “You play more games than the whole damn NBA.” You’ve heard about them, you’ve seen them, you’ve probably lived them. The yes yes, no no, I don’t know if I’m bisexual or truly a lesbian, I think I’m still in love with my ex, baby daddy/ex-husband drama. If it’s not the games it’s the drama. Why? What happened to being grown ups?!? 

Psycho Control Freaks: Now don’t get me wrong, I love me an Alpha female. I’m a control freak too…but there is clearly a fine line between being assertive and being a psycho. I follow a few Lesbian Pages on Facebook and lately they have been flooded with members questions about their partner being considered disrespectful because she likes a friends pictures on Facebook, or whether or not their partners are allowed to have new friends or friends outside of their relationship, or them being upset because their partner greets their neighbors. Yes, sick shit! So what’s next? Curfew? Picking out your partners clothes? Weekly Allowance? Stalking? Your partner is not your property, pet, or child. You can’t make a grown woman do anything she does not want to do no more than she can make you do what you do not want to do.

Jealousy & Insecurity: They’re like Ebony & Ivory only this is NOT, I repeat NOT PERFECT HARMONY. This video explains it all. If the woman you’re dating or in a relationship with is pulling this Dr. Jeykll/Mr. Hyde mess run in the other direction. Because as Martin says “the shit don’t get any better.” 

Some will criticize Singlehood, saying that we’re always lonely, unhappy, miserable, etc. But I have to admit at this stage in my life I am enjoying it. I go out when I want to, host parties and game nights when I want some company, my career and future are #1 on my list, and most importantly I don’t have to deal with the drama and craziness that seems to be taking over the Lesbian community. I’m open to a loving relationship but I know this mess is not what qualifies a relationship as being healthy. 

So until the right one comes along I’m happily single and loving it…

Confession Session: Teacher's Pet

It’s so cliché that it’s a popular scene in many movies and porn productions, and off the big screen there are people going to prison for the very act. Student-Teacher love affairs.

I wasn’t looking for this to happen, it sort of just happened to me, and between us. My mission was to knock out this fifteen week 300 Level Biology course and get on with my life. Having a fling was not a part of the agenda. But then I saw her. 

The first day of class I arrived early and took my seat in the front of the class as I usually do. I was reading over the syllabus when I heard the door open and heels gracing the floors. It was her. Dressed in black pumps, pencil skirt, fitted top and a white lab overcoat. I was awestruck, I was instantly turned on, I had to have her. She put her stack of powerpoints on the front desk then looked at the clock, then at me.

“You’re early”
“Always. You’re late if you’re on time, right?”
“I like how you think. This Professor appreciates you already.” 

And from the that day the flirtation and sexual tension between the two of us continued to rise. Three days out of the week we had our own side conversations before and after class, she always sat next to me during labs to make sure my experiments came out right, and if she ever needed something from her office during lecture she’d hand me the keys and ask me to retrieve it. One day after a DNA lecture I wandered into her office and asked if I could see an extensive break down of a specific process. She pulled out a huge book while I sat on the edge of her desk. 

“Does your boyfriend know you’re hanging out here late?” she asks with her hand touching mine
“I don’t date boys.”
“What does your girlfriend think about you being here late?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend, but what does your girlfriend think about you working late?” We could have had sex right then and there. Too bad someone knocked on the door. 

About two weeks later we had our lab final demo and our lecture final exam. She posted the individual closing meeting schedule (each student has to meet with the professor to review lab demo and final grade) during the final exam. I was scheduled to see her, one on one, the last meeting slot on the last meeting day. I knew what that meant, I knew what she wanted…because I wanted the same thing.

The day I was scheduled to meet with her I dressed for the occasion – skinny jeans, stilettos, plunging v-neck top with my favorite Fredericks of Hollywood Extreme Cleavage bra (if you don’t own one, I highly suggest you order two!). I was ready to conquer and be conquered. I arrived to her office as scheduled. She was sitting at her desk, looking sexier than ever. I locked the door and sat on her desk, she remained seated in front of me.

“Are you ready for your final review?”
“I’m ready for whatever you want to do”

We kissed, long, hard, passionately. She grabbed my hair, I hiked up her skirt. Soon our tryst began to resemble the lyrics from Jill Scott’s Crown Royal. Both of us fighting for control, trying to keep the sounds of our love making from reaching the halls. She left me breathless, I left her wanting more. If only we had more time. 

We had one more encounter after our first that granted us an entire night. After our last meeting we went our separate ways. No calls, no emails, no contact. Every now and then she’ll cross my mind. If I wanted to replay that day again I know I most certainly could…

"Teach U a Lesson" by Robin Thicke

The Juggling Act

The post you all have been waiting for – my current dating life! Ever since Mrs. Right and I split I’ve been getting sound advice and suggestions from my good friend Z. She recently got engaged to the most amazing woman ever but I remember when Z’s dating life and search for love was just as hectic as mine. She’s found happiness and she wants nothing but the same for me. “Don’t put all your faith in one basket, date and talk to multiple women.” Now I’ve always said that I am not one to juggle. I’m a serial monogamist…but hell it’s 2014, lets shake some things up a bit. And here it goes…

Not to toot my own horn, but umm Beep Beep, I have not had to do much in terms of finding women to date. I’ve been approached online and in person by several women and I’ve done nothing more than be out and about, doing my own thing with friends and/or family, and keeping my online profile on point. 

In person I’ve been asked out by a Physician’s Assistant while at clinical rotation for school. She’s beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be around. We initially met for a drink and agreed if conversation was flowing right we’d grab a table for dinner. Well we ended up staying for dinner and closing down the restaurant! We’ll definitely go out again. One night while hanging out at the Fridays my classmate bartends at with a group of friends, I sat next to young woman who immediately sparked up a conversation with me. I found out she’s a Paralegal and wants to go to law school but wants to work as a bartender while trying to get through school. I talked to her about my experiences as a bartender and going to school. Next thing you know she offers me her number and asks if we can have dinner. She’s beautiful, great sense of humor, and conversationalist so why not! Dinner went well and we will be planning our next outing soon.

There are two women who have approached me online whom I am talking to and getting to know. The first one is a VP for a major corporation, at first I thought a dating situation would work well for us but after getting to know her for a while I realized that she still has some people in her life whom she needs to let go of so we’re definitely in the friendship/flirting zone and keep up with each other weekly. Lady number two owns her own production company and is a down to earth free spirit, as with the others she is very beautiful but her beauty is unique. I love her complexion! She invited me to her birthday celebration and due to my schedule I was unable to attend but we’ve made plans to run around town and have a rockstar weekend very soon and since my schedule is about to be open that will be happening before the month is out. 

I’m a member of a MeetUp group which keeps me active and my schedule packed with events. If you’re looking for a way to socialize with other lesbians definitely check out the MeetUp groups in your area. I recently hosted an event and as asked out by a member and the friend of another member. I haven’t accepted the offers but I’ll be mixing and mingling with them again at the upcoming event I’m hosting so we shall see. 

Is there one person I like more than the others? At this point, I can’t truly say there is. They all hold my attention and are mentally stimulating in one way or another. Time will tell who I am meant to get serious with. Until then I’m enjoying myself and the company I am keeping…