I'm So (Not) Hood

The weather is getting warmer and warmer which means more dating and mingling because lets be honest it’s too damn cold to date in the Winter, and Frosty and Stilettos don’t seem to get along. I don’t discriminate when it comes to love, a woman’s ethnicity is irrelevant to me but I have found that many women of color, more so African-American and Hispanic women discriminate against women like me. What am I referring to? “Black White Girls”, “W.G.I.T’s - White Girl In Training”, and I am sure there are plenty more names to describe the subset of African-American women who’s English is “polished” (speak proper English), love to rock American Eagle, Abercrombie & Finch, Aeropostle, and knows every single lyric to Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” as opposed to Trick Daddy’s “I’m a Thug”.

A while ago, I went on a date with an African-American woman who is an attorney. We were introduced by a mutual friend who thought we would be perfect for one another given an interest in law and neo-feminism. Before our date we had a few telephone conversations in which she commented “You really don’t have a Philly accent.” I shrugged it off as I have been told by many people that I don’t have a Philly/East Coast accent (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean). We met for dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant, conversation flowed naturally, she inquired about my interest and points of view and I did the same. The next day she texts me to tell me that she enjoyed dinner. I told her that we can do it again if she is interested. Her response: “That’s cool BUT I don’t think we’re a good match. You’re not Black enough for me…” What do you mean I’m not Black enough? Is my complexion not dark enough? My hair not kinky enough? What is Black enough?

“You talk like a White girl…”

I’ve always talked this way, it is what it is

“You’re very comfortable around White people…”

And I should not be because?

“You don’t dress like other Black women…”

Do you mean I don’t dress like a video ho’ or some Ghetto Hot Mess?

“You don’t listen to Rap music…”

Nor do I listen to Heavy Metal or Twangy Country Western

“You don’t use slang or Ebonics…”

I was raised and taught to use proper English, weren’t you?

Just because I choose a style of dress that goes against the status quo in the African-American community and I shy away from using the “N” word or some other Ebonics terminology when I speak, doesn’t mean I am any less in tune with my African-American roots than the next woman. A friend of mine conveyed her dating experience to me recently. She is African-American and only dates Caucasian or Asian women because she feels as though the African-American community has ostracized her because of the way she speaks and carries herself. “Women of other cultures embrace me more than my own people. Yet the same women who make me feel uncomfortable about being me are the same ones who get upset when I have a White or Asian woman on my arm.”

This experience is not uncommon. At the end of the day, I am going to do and be me. I am not going to resort to the status qou behavior just to gain acceptance from a subset of people who believe I should conduct myself in a manner which I have been taught is inappropriate. So what if I talk, dress, act “White”, it has gotten me this far so I must being doing something right.