Odd Girl Out: Outgrowing People, Places & Mentalities

Sometimes you're better off on your own...

I had an epiphany recently. It just came out of nowhere, as they tend to do for me, I just accept them as they come – no questions asked – but this particular epiphany had me seeking confirmation and clarity before fully embracing it. About a week or so ago I posted a random question to my Facebook page: “I know you can outgrow friends, but is it possible to outgrow family members too?” The general consensus was YES. But it led me to evaluate other aspects of my life.

People: Ever get the feeling that you don’t want to be around your own family? Like certain dynamics that were once tolerable and maybe even acceptable to a degree make you question how you can be related to someone who acts/thinks that way. My aunts have a habit of waiting until the 11^th hour to plan something and get things organized. Before it was I guess okay to scramble around at the last minute because the end result would be a fun filled event for the entire family, but now I refuse to plan or be a part of ANYTHING they want to plan. I don’t even stick around when they are all together, and they were some of my favorite people to hang around but now when they are here I say my Hi’s” and then say my “Goodbye’s” and head off to do my own thing.

At some point or another, we outgrow our friends and it’s usually do to lifestyle changes i.e. marriage, kids, moving to a new city for a job. The moment I realized I had outgrown my family is the moment I also realized that I have outgrown most of my friends. Facebook is a great way to keep up and in touch with your friends during the week, but if you notice that over the course of a year that you have not had one face to face interaction with a Friend who resides in the same City or a neighboring State, then how can you really consider them to be a friend? Or if you invite them to parties or outings and they never show or never want to go, are they then still a friend? My answer is NO! Facebook is an avenue, not an end all.

Places: I can honestly say that I outgrew the Club scene before I was legal enough to indulge in it. I lived my 20’s in my Teens so the Club scene does not appeal to me. Occasionally, I’ll go to the Lesbian Bar for karaoke and their amazing drink special ($10 = 8 drink tickets, and a bar packed with Lesbians, Gay Boys, and Drag Queens. Oh what a night!) and to dance to some of my favorite tunes. Other than that, a night out for me consist of a happy hour with my girls at some cool lounge or restaurant, attending a live Jazz or Neo-Soul concert, or hitting up Jolly’s Dueling Piano Bar. These are classy places that never go out of style.

Mentalities: Once upon a time, I was the kind of girl who would never date two people at the same time. I was a diehard monogamist from beginning to end. The idea of juggling more than one woman was too complex for me. Now (and you have my Ex to thank – or not - for this one) I still believe in monogamy but I’m also open to dating more than one person at a time. I know what I want, and I’m wise enough to know that not every woman is going to or is capable of giving me what I want. People want different things in their lives, and that’s okay. I have my Dream Girl in mind and should she come my way I will gladly shut all others down and focus on her entirely, but until then casual dating is where it’s at for me. Another mentality I held onto, and I didn’t realize it until a month ago, was the idea of being a single parent. I don’t need a partner or the picture perfect life to raise a child, and in fact I will be adopting one and possibly giving birth to one on my own.

Life is about changes, and with changes comes some gains and losses. I believe the trust test of friendship or familialship (no it’s not a word so don’t try to win scrabble with it) is those who are by your side no matter how many changes you or they may go through.