The Second Closet: Lesbians & Domestic Violence

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Women & Pyramid Schemes

This post is certainly going to ruffle some feathers, especially those who are under the influence of these so called women geared businesses that are really pyramid schemes. What am I talking about? I’m sure you’ve heard of “It Works”, “Jewelry In Candle”, “Stella and Dot”, “Premiere Designs Jewelry”, “Lia Sophia”, “Pure Romance”, and “Thirty-One Gifts” just to name a few of the big ones out there. 

Back in college during my sociology studies I took a class entitled Criminology which explored various levels of crime to include white collar crimes. One segment on the class touched on what we know today as pyramid schemes or multilevel marketing businesses. These businesses sell you the dream of basically being your own boss, running your own company, more money, more independence, more freedom. Sounds like a dream, right? Hell that’s what we all want, right? If you have half a brain you know this is nothing but bullshit and hype. Your real job is to recruit more poor, simple minded, believe anything without concrete facts and reading the fine print, fools to help build the brain child’s bank account. Translation: YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN BOSS, YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR OWN COMPANY, YOU WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S BRAND AND BRAIN CHILD BECAUSE NONE OF THIS IS YOUR ORIGINAL IDEA OR PLAN, YOU’RE A PAWN OR IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER SALES REP. 

The only thing slightly worse than the delusion many of these women fall into is the cult like mentality they develop soon thereafter. If you’re not trying to buy something from them, attending their sales parties disguised as dinner or cocktail parties, or signing up to join the illustrious cult society they don’t have anything to say to you. I have a few friends who have fallen victim to these pyramid scheme businesses and if any one of us tries to engage with them on a normal level, invite them to go out and have a normal life all they want to do is talk about their products and push for people to sign up. Nothing more, nothing less. If you’re not trying to buy or become a mindless cult worshiper then they don’t have the time for you. I actually had someone email me practically begging me to sign up under one of their friends so they could reach their next promotion level. I was like are you fucking crazy? I don’t want anything to do with these kinds of things. This has led to me unfollowing these people on Facebook. 

Sales pitches and sign up pressure aside, all their products are complete bullshit and a waste of money. Take Jewelry In Candle for example, the cost of one candle can range from $14.95 - $24.95 supposedly there is a piece of jewelry in there that could be worth anything from $5 - $1000 (which I believe is complete bullshit too and they have been disproved via YouTube and Federal consumer complaints many times). Let’s get real here, those same scents are available at Target even Yankee Candle for half the price. So if you do decide to purchase one of those JIC products you’re paying local sales tax and shipping on top of the price which basically you’re paying $30 - $40 for the same damn candle that’s available at Target for $4.99 or less! Same goes for those bags and costume jewelry companies, you can get better quality and better prices elsewhere. And don’t get me started on those wraps. Seriously? Start a diet and take your ass to the gym and in the meantime buy a good body shaper (not those dumbass waist trainers either) so you can fake it until you get the body you desire. Nothing comes easy especially where health and fitness are concerned so that money you’re pumping into those wraps and teas and other bullshit invest in some fresh fruits, veggies, and healthier foods and a gym membership. You’ll thank me later. Those results I can guarantee. And you didn’t have to sell anything or sign up to get that information. 

Times are tough especially if you have student loan debt on your plate but there are other ways to make money than pouring your hopes and already short money stream into some business that’s nothing more than a pyramid scheme designed to support the man or woman who came up with the idea from the beginning. Wise up ladies, or forever be a damn cult worshipping fool…

Operation Meet The Parent's

The day has finally come. On Sunday Nina and I ventured to Egg Harbor Township to visit her Mother and Stepfather. Nina’s Mother recently turned 75 so we decided to celebrate with her during one of our free weekends. Now let’s review some history here. Usually, I never have an issue getting along with the woman I am dating’s parents, particularly their Mother’s. On occasion there have been issues, two mainly: the bigot who treated me horribly despite me being nice and respectful to her, and the one I never met because her daughter was closeted and her mother played into her insecurities once she found out we were dating. 

Meeting Nina’s Mother was a nerve wrecking experience. I wanted her to like me, it’s very important to me. I had all kinds of funny stories about this amazing woman and I also know how important her Mother is to her, she truly loves this woman. I picked out the perfect Meet The Parent’s outfit, got a manicure and pedicure, brow wax, and even had Nina spend the night with me. I made us a huge brunch the next morning and pumped her for more information about her Mother and Stepfather. I wanted to know if there were any house rules I needed to observe and how her Mother and Stepfather liked to be addressed. 

Since Nina’s Stepfather was making dinner I offered to make my favorite Chessman Cookie Banana Pudding and bring a bottle of wine to share for dinner. Nina actually begged me to make it because she loves it, although she doesn’t like bananas…or pudding. Nina also wanted to get a birthday gift for her sister at the Tanger Outlets so the plan was to drop off the pudding, do a quick meet and greet with the parent’s, then head to Tanger while her Stepfather finished cooking dinner. The entire car ride there I was anxious and according to Nina I didn’t even make eye contact with her! We even had to make an emergency stop at a pharmacy near her Mother’s home because my hair products decided to flake and act weird and I told Nina that I refused to meet her Mother looking a hot mess. 

The moment of truth – we pull into her Mother’s driveway, Nina holds my hand and says “you look amazing babe, she’s going to love you. Just relax and be yourself.” We get to the front door, Nina opens it and allows me to walk in front of her. Lucky for me her Mother and Stepfather were sitting in the kitchen instead of right there in the living room. Her Mother hugged me instantly and her Stepfather did as well. I was still nervous and Nina could sense it so she told them we needed to head to Tanger before dinner. We headed to Tanger, walked around and explored the area. Did some shopping before Nina took me to a cool restaurant and insisted that I not only eat a little something  but also have a margarita to take the edge off. 

That drink was just what I needed because I was more relaxed and back to myself. When we returned to her Mother’s home, Nina’s Mother asked me to sit with her on the sofa with two wine glasses in hand and the bottle of wine in the other. We had a girl talk session and walked down memory lane complete with pictures of herself and Nina when they were much younger. By the time dinner was over we had finished the entire bottle of wine and was completely comfortable with each other. Dinner was amazing, Nina’s Stepfather is an excellent cook, and then it was game time. I have never played Rummikub but Nina’s folks were practically experts and taught us well. Around 8PM Nina informed them that we had to go because we both had to work in the morning. One last hug from her folks for the road and we were on our way back to my home. 

Nina told me how much her Mother loved me and our girl talk and asked her to bring me back very soon to spend more time with them. This is a huge weight off my shoulder. More than anything I wanted Nina’s Mother to not only accept me but approve of me, and an added bonus of loving me. I got all three. On to the next chapter…

Fifty Shades of Vanilla

Happy Passover, Happy Easter, and Happy Sunday! I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about the hyped up, major let down of a movie, that desperate housewives swear by- Fifty Shades of Grey (should have been more like Fifty Shades of Pure Vanilla Blah!). If you haven’t seen the movie I encourage you not to waste your money, and instead do exactly what I did and find it free online and stream it on your PC because it’s not even worth you buying a copy from your local bootleg man. Yeah, that bad.

One, if anyone fell into the hype of this movie and thinks this is the best and most accurate portrayal of sexual domination or an S&M relationship, sorry to break the news to you but your sex life is very dull, boring, and vanilla. Step your game up. The yes yes, no no game they play, the predictability of their sex scenes and even the scenes to follow, and their high school break up ending is for the birds. Two, for those confused anti-domestic violence warriors (yes I am anti-domestic violence too, but I’m also very educated enough to discern differences) who are screaming that S&M is the same as domestic violence I encourage you to (1) get over your sexual repression and (2) do some serious, legitimate research on S&M because THIS IS NOT domestic violence, it’s consensual sex between two adults who have mutually agreed to explore this realm of sex and intimacy. Just because it doesn’t look like your cookie cutter, Stepford Wives version of sex and intimacy doesn’t make it wrong. It’s just different…and there are differences all around us seen in many different aspects of love and life. 

Maybe 50 post ago I mentioned my brief affairs with a Sugar Momma I have…had…have…we’re not seeing each other because I’m dating Nina but let’s just say she’s there when I need her. Anyway, one thing I loved about being with her was our sexual adventures. She was very sweet and polite outside of the bedroom but very dominate and controlling once we were there. I loved it; I love to be dominated in bed. Tied up, gaged, hair pulling, command speak. Bring it on! Is it something I’ve done with every lover? No. Certain sides of you every one is not equipped to handle. Nina is aware of this side of me; she’s intrigued and admits to loving being in control. We’re taking baby steps but we’re getting there. This kind of power play requires complete vulnerability and trust on both ends.

 
The only good thing to come out of this movie, in my opinion, is the soundtrack. The Weeknd’s “Earned It”, Beyonce’s “Haunted” & “Crazy In Love Remix” are fire! Have you seen Fifty Shades of Grey? What are your thoughts? Is S&M something you’d like to explore?

Dating Nina: Part Deux

It’s officially been a little more than 30 days since I started dating Nina and I am happy to report that all is going well, extremely well to be honest. We talk all the time, we see each other 3-4 times per week and…drum roll…we’ve begun overnights! So our 3-4 times per week date nights end in one of our beds. I really do enjoy the time I spend with Nina; it’s very carefree and easygoing. We talk about everything from her adorable nephews I am head over heels in love with to my Mother and crazy Brothers.

One night I took her with me to a lesbian social called The Mixer in Philly because I wanted her to meet one of my good friends. Now here’s the thing, normally when I’m dating a woman or entering a new relationship I introduce the woman to my bestie and other close friends. This usually occurs by attending a game night or social at my besties home. But this time around I’ve been very closed mouth about who I am dating. My friends know I am dating someone, they know Nina’s name but they have yet to meet her. Am I ashamed of Nina? Hell no! I’m very proud to be out with her, we hold hands, and exchange a subtle kiss in public with no problem. I’ve resigned myself to our little bubble by choice. If we’re going to have a relationship then I want our foundation to be strong because I know too well how outside influences can be detrimental to a new relationship i.e. friends and family disapproving of the person you’re seeing even though they don’t know the person or telling how and when certain things should occur in your relationship. So on our terms and time we are incorporating others into our little bubble.

The thing that gives me great pleasure with Nina is that I don’t have the feeling that I am waiting for the other shoe to fall as I have with every other person I have dated/had relationship with. I feel secure and most importantly I’m happy. Yesterday Nina informed me that her Mother asked to meet me. I’m honored and very excited. Her birthday is next month so we’re going to take her out to dinner and I get to spend some time getting to know her. So my next post will be all about meet the parent’s…