DANI & ALICE
A Roberta Munroe Short Film
Contrary to popular belief, Domestic Violence is not just a straight thing or heterosexual issue. The rates of domestic violence in lesbian relationships is the same for women in heterosexual relationships, yet lesbian women do not report the incident, file for orders of protection, or press charges at the same rate as women in heterosexual relationships. Why? If you’ve ever been a victim of same sex domestic violence and have tried to take some legal action against your partner, I’m sure you have been met with some skepticism even out right disbelief from the justice system in this city:
“It’s just a simple Lovers quarrel.” But at what point does it become battering?
“Your lover must be very Butch or The man in the relationship.” Actually she’s a petite, feminine, stiletto wearing, lesbian.
“It should be easy for you to leave, it’s not like you’re married.” Single or Married, battered women’s syndrome knows no marital status.
Here is my personal experience: When I was 19 I was dating/living with a woman who, when she had one too many drinks, became very mean, nasty, and violent. One evening, after an argument about her infidelity, I decided to have a night out with my girls. I dressed to the nines, grabbed a credit card, car keys and spent the night restaurant hoping in NY and DC with three of my close friends. Not too long after midnight I got text message from a friend stating: “Your wife is going to fuck you up when you get home.” My response was “I know…” My crime: not answering her calls or text messages.
I actually think the domestic violence is probably higher and more frequent in same sex relationships. I think it comes from no guidance as to how to "be" in a same sex relationship and who should have what role....masculine or feminine. Even though if you are in a relationship you should always treat the other person with respect and admiration there are really no books, sitcoms, movies....nothing in pop culture really that shows people younger and older how to handle being in a same sex relationship. We are just taught how the man/woman relationship works. Well, what if there are no defining borders and roles. When people do not have roles and boundaries I think they get confused and scared.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in a dv situation I remember it being acceptable in our circle of "friends". Even joked about.....scary right!
I think part of the problem is the push towards defined roles in the relationship i.e. the old Butch/Femme mentality. Society is uncomfortable with homosexual relationships so they push to make use define our roles within the relationship. I don't adhere to that mentality, I lean towards equality in a relationship. Another contributing factor to the issue is anger management and sometimes cultural issues. People aren't dealing with their anger in an appropriate manner or seeking help to learn coping mechanism. In terms of cultural issues, it is seen more acceptable in African-American and Hispanic cultures for the "man" to hit the "woman".
ReplyDeleteMy concern is the lack of resources for those in same sex relationships dealing with domestic violence and have come to the conclusion that we must save ourselves...
In my crew Studs are expected to put their femme in her place when she steps out of line. I may be the only one of my crew who does not put her hands on her femme. She don't deserve to be hit no more than I do.
ReplyDeleteIt's a relief to know that you do not participate in the group dynamic of your crew, but do you condone the violent actions of your friends? Do you condemn your friends for abusing their partners or do you keep quiet because it's the norm in your group? How does your girlfriend feel around your friends or knowing how they treat their partners?
ReplyDelete